been gone so long couldn't find my thread! lol!

[AJM]

TAMF, Eric is right, I think. You need to be careful to really think about what it is you want and if you can get it.

The easier part is when they are gone. When they come around it is pain all over again as the burden shifts.

But don't be in a hurry. Check your feelings (you did start down that path anwyay - it's why you're here right?)

That's the thing here. You were surprised by the sudden change. Remember how that feels? You are ambling along just fine and then, "wham!" spouse changes direction and all h*ll breaks loose. Why? Because it wasn't expected nor asked for. It is painful because you have to deal with it. One way or another, you have to look beyond here and now and deal with it in a way that you want to. It's a burden you didn't have before and suddenly you do. It takes adjustment. It takes...time.

Don't be rash. Don't be...anything. Time will allow you to set those boundaries. To see what it is you want. It is possible that you don't want H any longer. It is possible you do. But the static right now would make that very difficult.

I posted this because what I read in your posts is that you were happy he came around but then angry that he still lives with OW. You don't trust him. I wouldn't expect you to. You are dealing with sudden and unexpected change. That's hard.

Now that this is out of the way, you do realize you are equipped to face this and deal with it, right? You have the tools and experience to deal with this head on. You may not know all the things you want. But I suspect you want to see where this goes. I suspect that Eric is right that you are not "done".

I also think that boundaries are a very good and healthy thing to set and enforce. Not walls, but boundaries. Good healthy boundaries.

One way or another you are likely to have a relationship with him if for no other reason than the kids. Can't escape that.

Stand and face TAMF. Hard as that is, stand and face your feelings and your situation. Figure out what it is you need and want while you stand and face. Don't be worried about it because you really are the one with the control. Don't be afraid of that either - you have the tools to handle that.

The anger? I would think that's normal. I would be angry. I would have some things that needed to be said and done. It's a progression. But it doesn't mean you can put a blind eye to the things you feel and want. You will have to deal with them now or later...


AJ