Thanks JS!! I appreciate you always and feel free to explain yourself with stories anytime.
Like I said to Aeo. I will give my thoughts.. once I have them.
Hard to collect thoughts currently. Swimming in some rough waters right now. My emotions are really high. Been really wanting w to come around - thus causing anger, extreme sadness, and all around - a bunch of other sh!t. Feeling angry at God for allowing this to happen. I actually said.. "but I don't want to grow!" (which is totally not true, but am feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do to keep myself and my life together). Having a hard time allowing my heart to follow my head.
I'm sure this is all coming up from her asking me what I thought of the asset list and continuing to ask when we are going to sit down and have our mediation. I never got one so I told her that. She said "Odd.. here it is".
Stupid expectations. Thinking that it would be as hard for her as it was for me. Hoping she wouldn't send it. I hear 25 saying now.. "It probably was hard for her". I'm sure it was so I'll rephrase "Not hard enough for her to stop wanting D".
Time to be strong and deal with her. Email her back. Try to set a time to have this meeting.
I'm sure it also doesn't help that my birthday is on the 20th. Saturday my friends are being awesome. Paintball in the morning, huge party at night. Alot of mixed feelings there also.
The D is just becoming very real and honestly.. I'm having a hard time handling it. I feel like every thing I would write currently would be a huge journal entry in which I would need an endless supply of tissues and a whiskey and gingerale.
I don't know what this stage is. It kinda blows.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
