...There was never even a hint of any complaint about my sexual technique. In fact, I would have been happy if there had been something clear that she found unsatisfying, because then it would mean I had something clear that I could work on, and it would also mena she was engaged in the therapy. As it was, she just dreaded every session, no matter how nice and careful the therapists were. She could never get over the feeling that she was being taken to the woodshed for her lack of interest in sex.
To make the catch-22 aspect of this clear, she would say that the whole process of going to therapy was a "real sexual turnoff". Well, as experienced had shown, not going to therapy wasn't working either.
Boy, can I identify with all those comments.
I would like to also say "+1 on 5 Languages of Love." That book helped me improve my relationship with my wife. Read it, learn it, live it.
As to her complaining, my wife recently found the courage to complain that the "personal lubricant" (Astroglide natural) we had been using for months caused a burning sensation and made intercourse unpleasant for her. She was so afraid to say anything negative that she just lived with it for months. I immediately went out and purchase three other brands with different chemical compounds and have been asking her if they are better.
Don't underestimate your wife's reluctance to complain about some aspects of sex, whether they are technique or mechanics (lubes, time, etc.). I was really surprised about my wife's reluctance to point out that she found a particular lube to be irritating.
One of the things about Snarch that I like is that he makes a big point in saying that in when there is a mismatch in sexual desire within a marriage that it doesn't mean that one person is "wrong" and needs to be fixed. I can understand your wife's feeling about therapy involving her being taken to the woodshed. Hopefully, not all of the therapists comments to your wife were negative.
I know that the therapist my wife and I had, focused not on anything being "wrong" with my wife, but on what "we" needed to be mutually happy and have a viable marriage. My wife was repeatedly told she didn't need to change anything, as long as she understood the consequences and was willing to live with them. When my wife understood that an SSM would result in divorce and that divorce was something she really didn't want, then the therapist helped us negotiate something that would each meet our needs.
Good luck to you.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
