I realized that I had lost myself in both of my marriages. I always wanted to please and gain the approval of my Ws, and I became this wishy-washy half-assed version of myself. Coupled with the below-the-surface anger and resentment I had been carrying with me since I was a wee lad, it was a recipe for eventual disaster; a true Jekyll-and-Hyde person. While I am not owning 100% of my marriage failures, I can see where I made big contributions.
I hear you there, Telemark. Now's the opportunity to become the full version of yourself and not look back. Time to unload the baggage.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
If my W hits rock bottom, sees that her new life is just another escape route and wants to try to reconcile, it would be a test of my changes. Could I remain the person I am becoming, or would I slip back into old patterns and have to endure this pain all over again?
That's up to you. I think the best thing you do right now, regardless of what the outcome may be, is to work hard to make the changes permanent.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
The D has not been filed. The OM has not moved in (although his mother arrived Sunday). So I will remain patient, continue to work on me, be grateful for the support I'm getting from my kids and my friends and try oh so hard to not think about my W nearly every minute.
One day at a time, Telemark. I know from experience that's easier said than done. It's hard not to look ahead.
Originally Posted By: Telemark
I have to remember that God has a plan for me. I haven't the slightest clue what that plan is, but I suppose it will be revealed when He is ready to reveal it.
I think if we try to speculate on it, we end up making it way too small. I guess we were "privileged" enough to go through this trial. He has decided we're strong enough to go through this junk. Some glimpses of His plan may be some of the changes you've made, some of the new people you've met, some of the self reflection you've been able to do, and some of what you've seen of your S & D stepping up to the plate. Your story is being written right now. Make the most of it. You will have something to share in the not too distant future.
He has decided we're strong enough to go through this junk. Some glimpses of His plan may be some of the changes you've made, some of the new people you've met, some of the self reflection you've been able to do, and some of what you've seen of your S & D stepping up to the plate. Your story is being written right now. Make the most of it. You will have something to share in the not too distant future.