Now you are getting it, so why not Try setting up some doable goals for the short term and then mid term, long term etc??
The short term goals especially, need to be measurable.
Like having 5 min of conversation without conflict...
an evening of no R talk or fighting.
(that can take a long time, but you already have one under your belt!)
essentially you want him to feel comfortable and "safe" around you.
If he's bombarded with guilt or a sense of burdensome duty
well, that's NOT feeling comfortable or safe. Let him relax.
That does NOT mean you must fix him when he's not happy. Back off.
If he is wracked with guilt, don't rescue him. That is not your job and not helping your cause.
I am not into guilting him but the one thing worse than using guilt to manipulate is fixing or repairing the guilt he feels for mistreating you and d..
I think you get it. So now, build another, and then another. They won't all be linear and you'll have some backslides but keep those few, far between and NOT too big.
If an R talk comes up, change the topic.
Be "too busy to discuss that right now", etc.
The easier it is for him to be around you, the less he'll feel the "need to be free"...make sense?
Did you find a support group thru your doctor or local resources? This is something you need to do even if the m were fine. Check out resources in the area for meeting people, getting transportation, etc.
How about a GAL activity?
I cannot stress the GAL enough...please... sounds as if a GAL activity for you would also be a 180, so you're killing two birds with one stone. Lucky!
well, it's late and I"m tired. But keep on keeping on!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
