Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[25yearsmlc]

SSMG seems to be enabling his wife's status as the victim, so presumably there must be a gain for him in not pushing for any change for decades.

I don't know how anybody could push harder. I dragged her to therapy with three different therapists over time. It's hard to push a chain.

You know, there's an unspoken assumption in these kinds of threads, and everything you hear on TV talk shows and self-help books. And that assumption is that if you just go to therapy enough, you will eventually always solve the problem. And in fact, a lot of therapy is not successful, or only partially so.

And so I've heard the reply, well, you haven't tried this or that particular therapist. And then I hear that someone went to six different therapists before they found something that worked. Well, you know, by the time you do all this, you're going to be dead from old age!

But seriously, at this point, I think her main issue is simply that she doesn't find sex interesting at all. And she doesn't see the point in it, it's been so long. And she doesn't really see why it should be such a big deal for me. And I have to say, after all this time, it's not real fun to have someone "service" you when you know darn well they are not enjoying it.

The only suggestion I have for you is to read The Five Love Languages b/c no matter what else happens, it'll help YOU and later on if she reads it, it might get her to see how you feel...but you need to read it first....

Otherwise, what do you want to do? Anything?

I don't have the magic sentence for you, or secret flower or cologne or gift.

I don't believe you have "tried everything." I think sex with you wasn't good enough for her to want to try,

so She shut down on her libido and now due to SOME natural changes she COULD fight, she doesn't feel like fighting
so now she's got a truly LOW libido...

But so what?

I mean, when my dad died I had no libido at all. & I didn't care much for the big O at that time....

But we ML anyhow... aside from knowing my h had needs I wasn't about to deny him, I MYSELF wanted to feel close to him... I missed the intimacy of ALL that love making brings, not just the O part...

When mil died, h wasn't "horny" but he wanted to feel the closeness too. Sex is about so much more than having an orgasm...when our d graduated from college, it was celebratory, after the funeral of mil, it was to comfort...

so for her not to miss THAT AT ALL, says some sad things. Don't you cuddle?

When you did ML, how long did you guys go?

Were too fast? ARe her memories of the one sided type event so that she doesn't even miss the cuddling b/c there wasn't all that much of it?

On one hand I'm tempted to say your lack of experience probably made it a drag for her so she gave up on caring about her libido...

OR maybe you were GREAT - the world's best lover but she never had a libido...

but that doesn't explain the lack of ALL physical intimacy...

Maybe it's something in between?

BTW, don't feel harshly judged here.

I understand why you would not be "THE BEST" b/c neither of you were experienced and she wasn't a communicator...so it was tougher for you to learn what she needed. She might not even know. And you are not a mind reader. But you have to understand what most men today know, which is that if both people haven't gotten their cookies, there's some "loving work" left to do...

So, somehow you have to show her that SEX W/YOU, CAN BE GOOD FOR HER...

b/c apparently, based on what YOU insist upon here, it's not enough for her to know you are lonely for intimacy and touch...she won't DO anything just for those reasons...meaning,

she doesn't care enough to change for you...according to you.

So then, either you accept that, move on and cope better

or you DO SOMETHING about it.

And that's all I have for now. And

PS I don't think a weekly T is the solution for your problems but if she won't go to one, an hour a week,

in some ways she is less likely to do a weekend retreat...(though you never know til you ask)

If I were you, I would want to know I'd left no stone unturned before leaving or hurting her.

But when You say ALL the other parts of the m are great, I find it hard to believe b/c sex is such an important, personal INTIMATE part...how can you be fully intimate with someone and deny them physically?

Make no mistake, I don't believe you are the only one with unmet needs here at all. I think she's so lonely she can't even express it.

But Since you are the one here posting - all I can do is focus on you.

Sad sitch though. Hope you change yourself or your behavior

b/c that is all YOU can do.

You get that, right?