Still in the marathon - did I miss a turn?

[jbnati]

I know it's redundant but you really are the #1 GAL'er/DB'er I know. You're doing so much right...continue to go down that path.

Thanks for that, MTS.

With respect to your D list...it's funny because I can see what you're doing but I also know that's EXACTLY how I think. Basically, we want to be able to convey how wrong it is for US, the LBS.

The fact of the matter is our WAW's don't CARE how it is for us...at least right now. So every time we talk about how it's impacting us it feeds their rationalization of us being selfish, etc.

I think I return to this thought pattern from time to time. I get this nagging desire to take a firm stance, draw a line in the sand for my M. I think this list is a reflection of that. But you're exactly on the money. WAS's don't really care what we think. I think some of it, too, is in preparation for her getting any D paperwork to me. I think I just want to make it very clear I'm not just laying down for my M and for my family.

Your M list is great. Stick with the stuff you can change and stuff you know is about YOU.

Thanks for that.

I think I just needed to get some thoughts down. I'm getting some very good feedback.

The main message still seems to be stay the course. I think I'm very similar to everyone else - I get a little impatient sometimes and want to force something to happen.

Thanks for the sharing the song, too. Very, very good message.

[jbnati]

Thanks so much for stopping by, E, especially in the midst of the h3ll you're going through right now.

I also agree with LP, that the first part of that list "regarding D" is definitely not a good idea.

I think I'm pretty much getting a concensus. I really think that's what the voice in my head's been telling me. I'm not sure I would be telling her anything she doesn't already know.

That said, I still think that one casual R talk is NOT going to be the nail in the coffin of the M or push your W to D, but you have to do what feels right for you, jb.

I think it's probably best to play it by ear. Look for the right opening. Try not to force anything.

I can say one thing in response your situation above and in relation to mine. I don't know whether it's the GAL'ing or that my W's moved out, or that my W's made moves in the direction of D, but I am finding myself frequently feeling much less anxiety now than I did at times before bomb #2.

You're one of my favourite posters on this board and if I could wave a magic wand and put your M back together, I would do it. Because you deserve it. Your S deserves it. Even your W deserves it (even though I want to scream and at her and tell her to wake up!)

Thanks for that, E! ((()))

[jbnati]

I had minimal contact with my W today. She just texted me during the day to ask me when my S was with her this week. That was pretty much it.

My S had another good evening outside with the neighborhood kids. I only had a maximum of 6 kids in the backyard tonight for a period of time, and I was the only adult. I was able to take my laptop outside and get some stuff done for work. The kids moved to the front and down the street for awhile, so I just moved around front and worked a little bit more. When it got dark, my son wanted to play some Wii again, so I went ahead and did it with him.

[~¤DG¤~]

JB- have I told you lately how much you inspire me?

Your S is such a lucky boy to have you for a Dad, I love reading all the things you do with him. I wish my exh was as present in our kids' loves as you are in yours. Your S will always remember these times.

[jbnati]

DG, thanks so much for the kind words. I have always been trying in earnest to give my S what I didn't have. My parents D'd when I was around 13. I really never had a relationship with my Dad. He had such a hard, protective shell around him. I had a buddy in high school who obviously admired his Dad, even as a high-schooler. At that point, I made a goal for myself - "I want to be THAT kind of Dad." I have been striving for that goal ever since.

[jbnati]

I got to bed late last night, and slept as late as possible this morning. Or - at least as late as I could sleep, still get my short bike ride in and still make sure my S was up for school. I have this bad habit of trying to get too much done and I sacrifice sleep. That's one thing I really want to improve about my life. I want to get a better rhythm. I was really pushing the envelope this morning.

My W texted me this morning about something pretty trivial. Not sure why she occasionally reaches out to me like that. She dropped my S's name (actually it was about sponsoring my S in a March-A-Thon to raise money for his school), so I responded pretty quickly.

I'll have to confess, I get a little surge of anxiety when my W texts me or sends me an email. Sometimes it's a mixed bag, e.g. What now? OR anxiety surge. I do have this underlying fear that it's gong to be something D related.

[MadeToSucceed]

I think that's awesome jb...especially how you're able to continue to be a fixture in his life that not only he but also his friends can see. I've always wanted to be "that kind of dad" myself and so it's great that you're able to do that on a consistent basis.

I find myself longing for children of my own so that I can have that extra source of inspiration...I know that children bring a different set of issues to our equations but somehow I just believe that they help folks like you that do it the right way to march forward in righteousness because at no point in time do you want to be poisonous to your child. You know he is looking to see how you respond and you're setting a great example for him and how to handle life's adversities. Keep it up!

[Telemark]

I want jb to adopt me.

[jbnati]

I think that's awesome jb...especially how you're able to continue to be a fixture in his life that not only he but also his friends can see. I've always wanted to be "that kind of dad" myself and so it's great that you're able to do that on a consistent basis.

I find myself longing for children of my own so that I can have that extra source of inspiration...I know that children bring a different set of issues to our equations but somehow I just believe that they help folks like you that do it the right way to march forward in righteousness because at no point in time do you want to be poisonous to your child. You know he is looking to see how you respond and you're setting a great example for him and how to handle life's adversities. Keep it up!

Thanks, MTS!

I want jb to adopt me.

Telemark, you made me laugh!

[ncl]

I want jb to adopt me.

Me, too!