Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[25yearsmlc]

Ok, so to update my weekend... ----

Sunday evening (yesterday) W and I went out to eat. We do that every week, at least one day of the weekend. We've done this for years - We had a really nice time last night. She was 'there' with me, not distant. We talked = i looked in her eyes a lot, made sure she knew I was interested - really listened and I was 'there' also. We laughed, and sat at the restaurant for two hours just talking. It was so nice.

A+...^^^^


I didn't bring up R talk except for a little roundabout bit or two. Nothing heavy.




I did tell her once I wish I could wake up from all this and it would be a certain week -- when we had an awesome vacation several years ago, before S4.

C-

I also told her that I do hope things work out with us someday, but that it would have to be a completely new relationship - starting from scratch.


This*^^^ might be fine but now you have said it once. Do NOT say it again. Be done. Otherwise it's all about 'look at me NOW! See my changes! They're real of course....look at them!!! They aren't tactics...SEE????"



Instead of her saying -- no, not a chance, I'm done, etc....as she usually says, ===== she said, "It would have to be. This one got us here"

I thought this was positive - instead of slamming it down, she at least left that door propped open a crack...

Absolutely is a positive. But say nothing about that again. Leave it alone.


We talked about her work, about many things and enjoyed each others' company. OW texted W once during our time out, and W did not answer Again, i thought this was a positive sign.

definitely positive...definitely.



So I've been DBing really really seriously for the past week = no R talk, detach lovingly, ALL of the 37 rules. I haven't broken any of them at all or backslid this week!!! I am keeping a close watch on my mouth.... NO R TALK. Just enjoy our time together. Work on the friendship... work on the family time with S4 (she even committed to going to the zoo with us this Saturday!!)


Baby steps...look for them here. THEY ARE HERE...it's helping. Keep on keeping on...


All I can do is what I can do -- I want to save my family and my relationship SO badly I am willing to do all the 'heavy lifting' in this relationship at this point. This counterintuitive stuff does seem to have a positive effect.


Wacky as it is, it does seem to help. And it doesn't hurt. Sometimes all we can do is not make it worse. Understand that. Accept that.



After we came home, she did spend quite the bit of time texting with OW, but.... I put myself on 'ignore' and went about my business.

Good job.

Like I was saying to Alone in my last post--- I want to BE THE BETTER CHOICE. The character of an OW or OM to me is LOW.... I am keeping my head held high. I am the mom. I am the spouse. I have the history of 13 years of life, mortgages, love and loss. OW is an infatuation-- W is projecting onto OW what she wants her to be.....he**, if they've known each other a couple of months, it's all 'perfect' now. I'm gaining patience. I'm gaining humility. I'm growing and I'm learning.

well done...A+

(just figured since you're a professor and all, you'd like to know how you're comparing. Oh, and I FAILED OW...)