Really working on my GALing today...went to a new church and met some great people. So much of the service spoke to me, I kept tearing up- lots of talk of forgiveness that really hit close to home. The pastor's wife asked me if I was new to the area, etc., and I mentioned I was separated and looking for a new church. She must have mentioned it to her husband and he came up and talked to me before the service for quite a bit. Made me feel very welcome! He also told me I was welcome to call him later in the week, if I needed someone to talk to. Never got that sort of concern in my husband's church, so it was nice to feel like I found a new church home.
From there my D and I went to lunch and the grocery store, and we're headed to my brother's for dinner. Great day, so far!
I did hear from the H this morning. He sent me a text saying I make him sad. That was it. I didn't respond and don't plan to. If I can pull this same GALing off next Saturday I just might make it!!
ROMB, I am glad you had a great day today. I am especially glad you went to church and felt welcome at your church. In my case, my church has been key to me holding myself together. I've made a ton of new friends. I am participating in a lot of healthy activities. I am getting a ton of support. I hope and pray for at least all that for you and more.
Heard from H again, this time he sent me a nasty gram via text. He said he had tried to call me at D's bedtime and I didn't answer. I was on my way back from my brother's when all of this was going on. I told him I didn't have any calls on my phone and I guess I was out of range. He kept hammering me about it, saying I was doing it because I was mad, etc. I told him he could check the phone records to verify I had my phone on (I had sent a couple of texts during the same time he said he was trying to call).
He told me not long ago that he was 'documenting' everything (presumably for a potential court date) so I am a little paranoid of being accused of alienation- crazy, especially since the day before I had D call him before bedtime.
To make a long story short, after all his drama I looked and saw that he had called my old cell number which is no longer in service. He apologized, but then said I should admit when I was wrong because there were not any texts during the time frame we were talking about (I'm sorry, you called the wrong number and that's relevant how??). The texts took longer to show up because they were multimedia texts, which I also pointed out.
Overall, I was calm, didn't take the bait other than to defend myself. He did say something about that I can't forgive. I asked him what was I supposed to forgive? His response was 'nothing'. He does this when he wants me to pursue the issue, but in true 180 form (normally I would not let that go) I ignored it and didn't respond.
I read a post on here somewhere that the WAS mind is truly mysterious... how very true!
I must have hit a wall, because I am surprisingly calm considering my interaction with my H today.
I have been keeping all communication with him brief and to the point. Since I found out about the OW, I really don't want to talk/text/see him at all. He called, I didn't answer, he texted, I waited to respond and ignored a couple of the jabs he took at me.
Tonight he came to D's class, and I was polite but didn't really talk to him. He noticed right away I wasn't wearing my wedding band and asked me if it was intentional or accidental. I told him I didn't want to argue and that Ds class was not the time or place. He wouldn't let it go, and I finally told him it didn't matter. He told me he felt like I was 'done' and I told him, maybe, but I'm not sure (after the OW revelation this was a honest answer- still having a hard time wrapping my head around that).
Anyway, then he asks me if I want to talk tomorrow night in person. I asked him what he wanted to talk about, and he replied 'us'. Ugh. I just can't stomach the 'how are we going to handle the D' right now, and that's what I told him. He acted shocked that 'that's where my head was at'.
So we're going to meet tomorrow night, but I have no idea what to expect (and I'm trying to not have any expectations).
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Like I said, if I do this without expecting something to come of it I can't be disappointed, right? I really don't think I'm ready for much anyway, or at the very least I'm just numb right now...
The absolute worst part? I think my D is really starting to show signs of stress from this, she's been in trouble from all of her teachers already. And that truly breaks my heart...
Are you keeping a log of your interactions? You really should. Try googling "log keeping custody" - it will give you some dos and don'ts, but I think if there's any chance he's going to be difficult (and it sounds like he is), it's extra insurance.
H: 39, Me: 37 SD: 18, S: 7 M: 9, T: 10 "I love you but am not in love with you" - 5/11 Discovered online affair - 7/11
Unfortunately, keeping a log is probably a necessary evil.
I think it's a good idea to not have any expectations on your meeting tomorrow night. One thing that's extremely important is to look our for your D's best interest. Pray about it. Focus on listening and validating. Don't try to force anything.
Weird day so far... H picked up D from school and took her to work to spend some time, and we arranged for me to pick her up this afternoon. We had set this up last week.
When I arrived I tried to be detached, and he immediately noticed. It was a very strange interaction, and I really don't know what to make of it. He ended up reaching for my hand, pulling me to him and hugging/kissing me. He asked me again if I was 'done', all I could say was we could talk about it later.
Apparently our D made a comment about us being together as a family on the way to work and it really got to him. I'm still trying to detach from this- I don't want to get my hopes up for tonight and I'm still mad/sad about the OW.
**sigh** Not sure how I feel about meeting him tonight.
