Regretful and not sure how to proceed

[In_Shock]

Ok, so to update my weekend... Went out of state for a quick weekend trip to visit one of my favorite family members. It was very nice - I was depressed much of the time though, because I was updating them on what was going on with W and I, etc... I had a couple of crying moments, but all in all, ok.

Sunday evening (yesterday) W and I went out to eat. We do that every week, at least one day of the weekend. We've done this for years - We had a really nice time last night. She was 'there' with me, not distant. We talked = i looked in her eyes a lot, made sure she knew I was interested - really listened and I was 'there' also. We laughed, and sat at the restaurant for two hours just talking. It was so nice.

I didn't bring up R talk except for a little roundabout bit or two. Nothing heavy. I did tell her once I wish I could wake up from all this and it would be a certain week -- when we had an awesome vacation several years ago, before S4. I also told her that I do hope things work out with us someday, but that it would have to be a completely new relationship - starting from scratch.

Instead of her saying -- no, not a chance, I'm done, etc....as she usually says, ===== she said, "It would have to be. This one got us here"

I thought this was positive - instead of slamming it down, she at least left that door propped open a crack... We talked about her work, about many things and enjoyed each others' company. OW texted W once during our time out, and W did not answer Again, i thought this was a positive sign.

So I've been DBing really really seriously for the past week = no R talk, detach lovingly, ALL of the 37 rules. I haven't broken any of them at all or backslid this week!!! I am keeping a close watch on my mouth.... NO R TALK. Just enjoy our time together. Work on the friendship... work on the family time with S4 (she even committed to going to the zoo with us this Saturday!!)

All I can do is what I can do -- I want to save my family and my relationship SO badly I am willing to do all the 'heavy lifting' in this relationship at this point. This counterintuitive stuff does seem to have a positive effect. After we came home, she did spend quite the bit of time texting with OW, but.... I put myself on 'ignore' and went about my business.

Like I was saying to Alone in my last post--- I want to BE THE BETTER CHOICE. The character of an OW or OM to me is LOW.... I am keeping my head held high. I am the mom. I am the spouse. I have the history of 13 years of life, mortgages, love and loss. OW is an infatuation-- W is projecting onto OW what she wants her to be.....he**, if they've known each other a couple of months, it's all 'perfect' now. I'm gaining patience. I'm gaining humility. I'm growing and I'm learning.