Got an apology from XH. Need advice now.

[AntoniaB]

Eric, to answer the question on expectations, I am at the point where I interact with him the way I do a coworker who I have thought might be interested in me but might not. I don't expect either of them to want something more with me but it would be nice if they did. I mean with XH, especially, I do think that on some level he has to be comparing "old Ant." to "new Ant." but do I think that is going to make him leave OW? No way. He's in that rel. till she dumps him. That's my gut feeling. He went from being Mr. "I have no fear about changing direction in my life to make myself happy" to going straight back into his box. It does not appear that his life is any different than before--he just has a different woman in it. HE is the same. He already lost his home and 1/3 of his retirement and his possessions and his pets and wife. (in exchange for cash which he appears to be blowing more quickly than usual). He moved to another town to be with her where the only friends are hers, and certainly no family anywhere near. He puts all his eggs in the OW basket. I don't think a few interactions with me will do anything but begin to show him that I wasn't the problem ;-)

Generally any time I hit "send" I view it as "this may be the last time I ever talk to him" because I'm not going to initiate any contact with him and because I do fully expect him to just stop communicating at any time. I guess I'm just using the opportunity I'm getting to show him how awesome I am ;-)

Ok the tarot....well, one thing really unsettled me. The lady said he had had multiple affairs way back in the beginning of the relationship and this one now was just the one where he got caught. I have a really hard time believing that one because he NEVER left my side for like, the first 15-18 years. There just weren't gaps in time where he was anywhere I wasn't. I don't think I'm being naive here. There was a marked difference in his behavior in the time he started seeing OW than any time ever in 23 years. I also think she was wrong about saying that I had not wanted to marry him but did anyway. That's just nuts. I never doubted marrying him for a second. She also claimed we were supposed to have 2 kids and "where were they?" "what happened?" Well, weirdly enough, the very first thing XH ever said to me was "would you bear my twin daughters" to which I replied, "maybe in another lifetime." Then I laughed at him. (I had just woken up and my college roommate opened the door and he saw me and I was dishevelled and a mess, I'm sure, and that's why he said he said it--he also said he was into me and wanted to know if I was a "kid person" and thought that I was "the one" when I blew off the notion of having kids). We never had kids by choice. So I don't know where these kids are that I never had...but I did adopt 2 kittens the week he left me for OW, and he and I actually helped the mother give birth, and they are mine now....AND I am writing my second book, which I have always seen as my "children"...

As for what she got right? Well, she said I was not going to ever have problems with money or material things, which was nice, and that I was really doing a lot with my life and accomplishing a lot, but that I had been in a rel. for a very long time where I was progressively giving more and more and getting less and less in terms of real love, and that right now, I was "a mess" in terms of my love life mainly because I was in limbo. She said the limbo was coming from not being able to release him. She said very suddenly "If you could be with anyone right now who would it be" and I blurted out "him" which surprised me. Then I said "except he isn't good for me." She said "never say that. People change." She also said "why can't you have him now" and I said "because he is with OW" and she asked me if he works with OW, which he does. She said that OW "lured" him, that he did not go looking at all. That she observed him, saw him troubled, and targeted him. She said that he was confused and searching for himself and that he might never be capable of the love that I was able to give. She said he was infatuated, that what he felt for her wasn't real, and that in 3-4 months from now things would start to unravel.

Then she said "he is going to come back and you are not going to know what to do because this is the source of your limbo and confusion now and you're not able to make a decision."

And THAT is very true, that I do not know what way to go.

She also told me there was a man in my life who I had known a year or so who was thinking he would like to be close to me romantically but was sort of scared to make the move. I really don't know who this would be. I only know 3 unmarried men, and only 2 of them are guys I met in the past year or so.

So then she said that she wanted to help me with my path, and I had to choose, do I want to release my XH completely from my life, or do I want him to come back. And for 75.00, she'll light 3 candles and pray for the path I choose, and in so doing, one will come true ;-)

I've thought about it for a day now, and I'm not doing anything. I'm going the way of Buddhism and just letting things play out the way they do. (which is another way of saying I don't know if I want him back or not, ha ha. I do and I don't. I think part of the reason I do is that I don't know what being with anyone else is like, so I assume it is him or nothing...

Sorry if that was long, but you asked!!!