WAW, not sure how to proceed...Part II

[dearme]

Just doing a little "inventory" again...forgive any redundancy; it helps me to write things down, even if I've already written it before.

So, a little short of 3 months since the bomb dropped, and here's where we are: My wife has gone from "I'm done and I want a divorce" to "You're my best friend and I can't imagine not having you in my life but I don't know what I want."

I've been a little light on the GAL, but very successful with the 180's...so successful that my wife has been amazed by them, but doesn't believe (yet) that they are permanent.

My wife has acknowledged her own severe codependency, and acknowledges how it contributed a great part of our relationship breakdown. She feels like she needs to work on this codependency before she can make any decision about our marriage. My independent counselor believes her codependency can and should be worked on within the context of our marriage; I'm not sure what my wife's independent counselor thinks about that. When discussing her codependency issues with me one night, I asked my wife if what she was trying to tell me was that she felt she needed to be on her own to figure things out, and she said "No", but she also said she can't quite envision coming to any decision about "us" by the November 1st deadline we have for buying our current rental together. I told her that the November deadline is an "artificial" one to the extent that I'm willing to continue on the way we have been beyond that date, but that unfortunately reality is imposing upon us the need to make a decision about our next living/housing situation. My wife thanked me for all of the support I've been giving her while she tries to "figure things out".

This past Friday was my wife's birthday. I wasn't quite sure how to handle it, but decided to "act as if"...and asked myself "what would I do if things were great between us" and employed a major 180. My wife told me I've always been great with gift-giving, but not so great when it comes to making her feel special. So, Thursday night I baked her a cake, bought her flowers, and got a few carefully chosen items from an antique store for her. Friday morning I let her sleep in while I got the kids up and off to school, let her pamper herself during the day, and then I picked the kids up when school let out. Friday night she had to work, so Saturday we had dinner and drinks at home, and then Sunday I took her to the Ren Fest (and dropped a small fortune). At one point she took me aside and thanked me for turning her birthday into a birthday weekend and for really making her feel special in a way that I never had before.