First, I want to say how sorry I am for the shock and pain you have to go through. You are processing so much right now.
She had to text it to you, couldn't tell you face to face. I don't think she is proud of what she has done, but like 25 sid, no woman really regrets the child they carry. She is I am sure is not having that excitement where she wants to shout from the rooftops she is pregnant. I disagree for the first time ever with something 25 said. You don't need the thought of reconciliing and raising that child as your own or in any capacity in conjunction with you W. Just to be clear, I never suggested he reconcile. (Nor did I oppose it).
read what I wrote. I just asked if he could have forgiven her ML with OM without a pregnancy and what the implications of that would be.
Also suggested he might want to call his mil...
You need this time to dedicate to you and your D. That's it, really. That's all you need to be thinking about and handling right now.
When you are ready to think about where DBing stands in relation to saving your M, you think about it then.
Right now, plase step back and absorb the information, and do what you need ot do for your and your D
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
This means she is already about half way through the pregnancy and got pregnant only a few months after leaving.
It's amazing really...
I see her this afternoon and again tomorrow morning. That will be tough.
I will ask her to beginning moving quickly on the D so we can put this behind us.
I will also ask her to begin removing the remainder of her things from the house. She has left behind a lot.
It is time. Move forward with no more second guessing.
I am thankful for everything I have learned here.
The gift it has given me is one of peace. Because of this. I will be able to look back without regret. Knowing I did all I could. And did it the right way.
That is a great gift to receive.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I want to thank you for all that you've done here. For others, and for me.
Plus, thanks for making me laugh with your gifted wit.
I have the utmost faith in your future happiness and well being. You have done the hardest, bravest work, and that is always the most rewarding.
Apparently, your w has been going through more than we knew, and for longer.
How ashamed & alienated she must have felt at her own father's funeral, seeing you be the man most like him. All while knowing her OM mistake was going to cost her so much...or perhaps she debated what to do with it.
I don't think Affairs themselves are worse b/c a child comes of it; adultery is adultery and if a child comes of it, the negligence is stupidity, as opposed to another "dark choice". Make sense? Oh well, Never mind. Not your problem.
Please Understand my next comment to be only an observation, not a recommendation for or against. Here it is... A reconciliation, someday, does not need to be ruled out b/c a child comes into the world. Just Know that: Not reconciling isn't the same as failing, for you have truly "won" the real battle. You are a brave, good and honest man. You know how to give and receive love. Such are the victories of the real battles in life.
May God bless and comfort you, my friend.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
when you see her, even though you are in such pain b/c what has really happened to YOUR hopes for a recon, are that they are now at least for the near future =dashed...I get that.
But you knew she'd slept with him so...that's not new pain. The new pain is the loss of hope you feel right now. I get that. But you have to see her...
you can say or project things like "sure been a weird tough year for you"(ME)
btw, CS, being pregnant with ANYONE's baby while your dad dies, is tough.
the added crap must have made her nuts. Be as calm as you can be.
The best dad for d as you can be. The best YOU...and like always, leave the results up to God.
If she plays up the "happy" stuff, just focus on d and get out as soon as possible.
If she plays up the other side (the truth at one point was she didn't want to be pregnant with OM's baby...)
You can admit that you are both hurt by this news but that you are both doing what's right by the kid I guess...letting her go and moving on with your life as a single dad to d...
see what happens a few years down the road...or don't.
Does any of this feel authentic for you?
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
One thing I do plan to keep doing is to try and stay above this. One of the things I am most proud of through this is not becoming nasty towards her. This has made ME feel good. And I realize, is only for me, and D, and I will continue to do so even though the thought of R is no longer on my radar.
This has actually been my biggest 180 through all of this. One of my big problems was being extremely sarcastic. For her I know. She saw it as very hurtful. That I said things to intentionally hurt her.
In some ways she was right. I think at times. I really did get a kick out of taking a jab. I don't really know why now TBH. I guess I just thought it was funny. I know many of times as well. My comments were not designed to hurt her. But, she made it clear early in S that these hurt her more than I ever knew.
So for me...It has been something to work on. And I do feel better as a result of it.
So....with that said. I will post our short text convo from yesterday. Hopefully. I continued to show this. I hope so.
Me: So how far along are you?
Her: I'm due in the beginning of February.
Me: Does is wife and daughter know?
Her: Not yet, but they will soon.
Me: Is his daughter still cross country?
Her: Yah
Me: Wow. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. I will see you tomorrow. Peace.
Her: Yah, thanks. See you tomorrow.
These were just some questions I had. I felt no fear in asking them. I do feel OK in wanting some answers. For me....to understand.
So....on we go....
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
You are an inspiration my friend. You have taken this difficult news with much grace and dignity.
Despite this revelation, you continue to focus on the things that you can improve on within yourself. Huge props to you.
Take care.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
