The problem has nothing to do with flirting, it has to do with neediness/bandaiding. Whether or not MM is any better for you than CB is TBD. But, a lot of what is going on right now seems A LOT like CB replay for the same stuff that was behind CB. You were using CB to feel good and to help you breakaway from W. Not much seems different, except it is a few years later. You kind of stalled for awhile. So, movement is good.
BUT you have to be careful because whether you see it or not, from here your actions and neediness look A LOT like any other newly minted LBS who jumps into the deep end of a R despite the dating partner sending some pretty clear signals that they aren't jumping in too. A significant part of what is going on with you and your feelings probably has very little to do with MM right now and more to do with your old M. People get hurt during these periods, they just do.
This does NOT mean that things between you and MM won't work. Maybe you will have a beautiful R and a happy M until the end of your days. WHO KNOWS? It is unlikely that your first real R after W would lead to such a thing, but certainly it could.
But RIGHT NOW, give her some space to figure out if she is even interested in you. She glances your way and you are up in her face, so she has to turn away. Give her a chance to look.
Imagine this convo:
OT: Wii, I'm coming to Canada, I really want to take you and MM to lunch Wii: Well, I'm not sure....... OT: No problem, I'm fine with that, but I'd really like you to show me your favorite lunch spot sometime Wii: Not sure we'd have time OT: Right, I get that, during the work week and all. But hey, I can extend my trip a day so that we can go on Saturday, but only if you want of course Wii: Ya know, you're a great DB friend, but I'm just not sure about meeting in person, especially with MM OT: Of course! You absolutely need to talk to her about that first. And, tell her I am very happily married, no need to be jealous, lol. Wii: Ummm, that isn't really where I was going OT: Oh, so you just need to check her calendar first? Great, let's just tentatively pencil it in for Saturday Wii: I really can't do that OT: Well, it is fine if you can't commit. I'll pencil it in just in case so I'll be available if you two want to do something. Just let me know :-) I'm sure I can find something else to do which would be fantastic. So, no pressure at all! Just let me know if you ever want to do anything with me while I'm in town, whenever, but no worries if not! I'll send you my email, cell phone, and you can text me anytime. But I won't plan on hearing from you really. Wii: OK Gotta Go
The next day.... OT: Hey Wii, I started to worry I might have been pressuring you. You didn't feel any pressure did you? Because whatever you want to do is fine with me, I totally understand. No pressure. So I won't bring it up again unless you let me know you want to do something, OK?
........
How are you feeling after these exchanges? How do I seem? Can you see yourself at all?
