WAW in Los Angeles

[wawinla]

GB...what do you mean by the "better off you are to begin with, the more they want to justify their position"?

My WAS is in a stable position financially. She earns a very good salary. I'm in career transition, trying to determine my next move. Your point about "overstretching" hits home. It was my WAW decision to purchase an expensive home that really was more than we could afford. It brought a GREAT deal of stress on me, as I focused on earning my share of the mortgage and looking forward to the next rung up the ladder to keep up with he costs.

What angers me to no end, is my WAW failure to acknowledge this fact and it's effects on the relationship. We purchased the house and then she quit her a high paying job less than 6 months after buying it. She took half a year and then find another high paying job (with less stress...shorter hours, no more 60 hour weeks), but no acknowledgement on how it made me feel.

Our communication style was/is poor. Since I worked long hours and traveled a great deal, since her new job kept her at home more, she was never able to say "I am so lonely, I love you so much and miss you because you work all the time" and I was never able to say "I miss you too, but I feel like our budget is out of control, I feel so much pressure to earn money. I hate this as much as you do, maybe more, but feel trapped."

As you and so many folks keep echoing on the board, I'm not 100% responsible for her unhappiness, despite the fact that she feels that way. You words, "move on"...it runs counter to DB'ing but an inevitability the moment my wife handed me the D papers. It was a fight I needed for myself but must also now learn to let go since it cannot help me in the long run.

I need to protect myself, to understand how she can be allowed to leave while placing me in financial ruin, while she can move on in much better shape. My situation can be best characterized as my WAW and I are parachuting from a plane...she willing jumped with 2 parachutes and I was pushed out with no parachute at all. At this point, I need to find something to cushion the fall before hitting the ground.

As to her trip to Spain to see the likely OM, maybe with all his wealth, my WAW doesn't care...who knows at this point.