Why do you feel like you need the details of his time w/ OW ?
I read that some spouses need to know details in order to process - that it depends on the person and how they deal with trauma. I need to know otherwise, my imagination will paint an even more disgusting picture. I think I also trust my intuition more now because looking back, I ignored some red flags (that are "oh so" clear now.) So I need to know if he is now finally telling the whole truth.
Originally Posted By: aeolianchaos
In terms of how you expressed it -- yeah hitting isn't so good, but you aren't going to make a habit of it, right?
No, it's not going to happen again. He said if it will help... I said it doesn't help. (Besides, I think we're getting into sadistic territory because he is obviously feeling incredible shame if he is practically giving me permission).
Anyway, another rough day.
I drove D16 to school today (H usually does it but she said she wants me to do it from now on). We chatted casually for awhile then she told me she would not be upset if I asked H to move out, and that she actually couldn't care less right now. I said I understand and asked if she wanted to speak to H yet. She said no that she hopes I will not make her speak to him or even look at him. I didn't want to talk about it too much detail because I didn't want her getting upset before class, but I did assure her that I would not make her talk to H until she was ready.
When I got home, H and I talked about finding her a counselor so I will do that today.
He also volunteered to move into the basement because he knows that his presence is making D16 very uncomfortable, and that she shouldn't be paying for his bad choices. He started crying and said he didn't want to but he would move out for her if it was what she truly needed...
It's hard when the kids are so far apart in age. D16 would feel some relief if he moved out for awhile, yet S7 would be devastated.
On a positive note, H is still being very transparent - sharing all emails, calls and texts with me. Ex-ow has been quiet today but I'm sure she's just working on her next revenge plot. Google Analytics indicated someone from her area was on my personal website (for my job) and I never get hits from that area so H and I are pretty sure she's watching me. Great.
?
I think I also trust my intuition more now because looking back, I ignored some red flags (that are "oh so" clear now.) So I need to know if he is now finally telling the whole truth. 
