I was DB'ing but just discovered an affair

[NTX_Dad]

Still Learning and In_Shock -

Thanks for the comments.

You are both right. She needs to feel some uncertainty. She knows I still love her and is confident I'll be available. I need to figure out how to make her start feeling that way. I guess detachment and going dark will help that process along.

I mentioned earlier this summer I caught her having an affair. She still insists to this day that there wasn't a PA and that it was just a couple of days of texting stupidity. I do know for a fact that the OM is dating another woman now. I felt last night she was sincere when we (she) was talking about post divorce and she reiterated several times that she know she has many personal issues to resolve and does not want to date a man and have to worry about a relationship.

At this point I don't know what I want anymore. I guess if I had a magic wand, I would want us to be back together and enjoying a new-and-improved marriage. I've learned so much this summer and I had been excited about sharing a deeper love and romance with her.

But I know realistically that she's not capable of that right now, and in some ways I am ok with that too.

I have been pretty numb and indifferent since late July. I have even enjoyed the empty home at times. I am on Lexapro so I wonder if that's dulled my feelings... although I do feel joy and anger at other things outside our martial sitch.