Wow I am now going longer before i journal here or even visit the site. Not that i am now coping better. I think i am back on the familiar path of getting stuck with my hobbies. Time to tone my hobbies down a bit.
This weekend was grandparents day. Wife told me during the week to visit daughter next week. It did not even strike me until the weekend as to why she said it. It did hurt. But i tried to drown it by binge eating this weekend. Just wanted down time this weekend and did not call daughter.
This morning i just had an epiphany. I never really analyzed my wife through all the years. I guess i always thought that i was so 'defective' that i did not have the rights to analyze her. Now when i do i see how different we are. I wear my heart on my sleeve. If my wife did not contact me for a day or two, i'd freak out and call her to make sure everything was okay. Every day when i talk with daughter, i also tell 'bye' to wife even if she does not reciprocate. I am realizing that we are so different. I guess she is not as expressive as i am. I guess the worse part is my family somehow always though that my wife and her family were 'cold'. Meaning that they gave more importance to their decisions and judgements. I used to brush them away thinking it was usual family feud stuff. Now i am beginning to see that wife can completely hide her true feelings just because either her ego comes in her way or she does not want to appear soft. Either way, I am begining to see it. I never thought i had a choice in choosing a person whom i chose to love. My family chose my wife and i decided to love her. I feel dumb now.
I dunno. lots of rambling. I'll need to take some time to find my center physically and emotionally.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
