Yeah.. that sukks. Good news is that it will sukk less over time. Something to look forward to right.
Yes indeed... that is something to look forward to.
Thanks for the offering on waiting to file for S. I won't file yet until I feel it's right. Right now I am experiencing no consistency of emotions and I don't know if I want to work on the marriage or if I don't. Getting dumped by one's H twice certainly makes makes one jaded. Last week I was willing to do anything to keep him. This week I feel defeated and ready to give him up completely. Better make sure I know how I feel before I make any moves.
I will give my Mom some slack. Thanks. I just don't want her to create hostility between me and H when right now there isn't any.
Our family dog (my parents and brothers.. but they live across the street so I saw Shasta the dog regularly) died today. Boy.. this has been a summer of sukk. My brother is coming over tonight.. he's feeling pretty sad. We're going to eat popcorn and watch a movie.
I'm looking forward to all the changes next week will bring. Preschool and kindergarten for my children! Gymnastics for my son! Bellydancing for me! I think I'm finally starting to GAL.
Fighting the urge to text him tonight.. to send him a FB message... to connect with him. Dammit.
Not going to... just.. wishing I could. No point tho' really. I can't text him like I would "just text a friend"... I know I would be texting him as his wife... which wouldn't fly. Sigh.
Fighting urges means you are still focused on him too much. You need to focus on you. What can you do differently to take your mind off these urges? There has got to be something that you want to do that you haven't put an effort towards.
LC, I can totally relate to your reaction to your friend's comment. So sorry, I know that's just a tough thing to hear and even worse when people ask questions you may not be in a place to answer yet.
We haven't told anyone we are separated yet, and I really don't know how I feel about that anymore. In some ways, I think I didn't want anyone to know because that made it 'real'. But now, I kind of think its keeping me from GALing- how can I keep explaining why we aren't together?
As far as your sitch goes, I think redecorating is a great idea! Very time consuming, requires lots of thought and maybe even qualifies as a 180...
I kind of think its keeping me from GALing- how can I keep explaining why we aren't together?
As far as your sitch goes, I think redecorating is a great idea! Very time consuming, requires lots of thought and maybe even qualifies as a 180...
Yes.. *nods*... yes to both of these.
I'm starting to let the cat out of the bag because I'm going to feel pathetic if I keep coming up with new reasons why he's never around. Told my friend, Librarian Girl, the news today. That was hard. When I told High School Friend I was so zen about it. Like I was discussing the weather. But High School Friend never knew me as "part of a couple"... never knew me as a wife.. he just knew me as "me". Librarian Girl met both of us and hung out with both of us as a couple. Now I'm presenting her with just me... and I feel half a unit short. I didn't mean to but I cried in front of her.
She hugged me and graciously let me make a wet spot on her shoulder.
Time to hit the sheets... I'm exhausted. It's been a rough summer. My marriage is failing and my uncle and family dog both died this past week. When it rains it pours.. I can't wait for summer to end. Bring on the autumn!
((())) Hugs to you. I am really sorry to hear about your dog and your uncle.
Originally Posted By: Luckyclover
I'm starting to let the cat out of the bag because I'm going to feel pathetic if I keep coming up with new reasons why he's never around.
My suggestion is to try not to feel pathetic about it. There's no good reason to feel pathetic. You are the one who's here and who is fighting for your M. Continue to work on yourself. You'll then be able to tell people about your situation and show them what you're making of it - how you're the ones making lemonade out of lemons, so to speak. There's a chance you may even inspire someone. Surround yourself with people who are supportive in your fight and in improving yourself.
Because of all you're doing, I'll bet you're going to be the one who comes of your situation a better person.
PS, I'm NOT saying you shouldn't feel those emotions, BTW. You need to get them out. I think that working on yourself, GAL'ing, etc. is a good way to bring you up.
Just don't be embarrased about it - EVERYONE has their junk.
Angry this morning... a few days ago I asked my mother in law if the kids could spend Saturday evening/night with her so I could go see my father's band play. She said, no - they were busy.. and that was fine with me.. not a big deal.
Just now I got a text from H saying that he is very, very upset with me that I didn't ask him first. He told me to ask him first if I needed anything... and "in the future, ask me first."
I cried.. mostly with anger.. because when I get angry I cry. He's upset with me...? He's upset with me...?!?! HE'S UPSET?
I'm not sure what to do with myself. I'm angry... I'm sad.. I'm in a crazy flux.
And he's coming over tonight.... Groooan. How should I handle myself?
My brother is coming over tonight.. he's feeling pretty sad. We're going to eat popcorn and watch a movie.
I think I'm finally starting to GAL.