The truth is that I'm dying inside. I am trying so hard to do the right thing and the more I try the more I seem to screw things up. I'm trying the best that I can. I dont know what to think, say or do. I'm lost, confusd and I can make sense of anything anyone is saying. This is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I've tried so hard to be strong, I have no energy left. Everytime I see her I'm not able to breathe...I have panic attacks. That's why I don want to see her because every time I do I feel lime I'm dying. Pathetic, yes, I'm sure.
I'm tired of pretending I've got it all together...I don't. My world feels line it's collapsing all around me and I'm lost.
ALL OF THIS is normal. It has happened to every single one of us. I'm glad you don't live in denial anymore. Except it.
I'm not going to judge you. However, I'm going to ask you a question.
Do you like feeling this way? I mean really? Think about this question deeper than just saying 'No'.
Feeling this way is okay to a point, but you have to make a choice. Accept the reality that is in front of you and move forward or wallow in it.
Without a doubt, your WAW is smelling, feeling, and absolutely TURNED off. ALL your interactions will REAK of this wuss effect. Understand, I get where you are, but you have got to STAND UP and DO something DIFFERENT. Time to take charge of you. What makes David happy? What makes you STRONG? David, it's do or die man...if you choose to wallow you will get NO WHERE.
Starting tomorrow. Do something...ANYTHING different! Except her choice as something you CAN NOT control and move the opposite direction. Right now pretend she died yesterday and you are grieving but making your way in your life ANYWAY. What will David do if she doesn't come back...what will you do if she was actually dead. Sooner you grasp this the better you will be.
When all else fails, look at how you would feel if one of your kids were grown and going through this. What would you do to support them and how would you give them advice? That advice is how you need to live.
Welcome to rock bottom, it's your choice if you choose to stay attached. She owes you nothing. What does David want?
