Do I stay or do I go?

[MrBond]

Go.

Not saying that you give up on your M, but if he's out letting his d*ck do the talking, then there's nothing you can do to control him. Go out and have fun yourself. Hang out with friends and start posting those on FB.

I agree that the OW is not your friend. Funny how she seems so understanding about how you feel, but is still sleeping with your H. Talk about messed up. Don't talk to her any more.

Start living your life.

[anyhope]

I know. I'm not about to make best friends with her, just so happened that we ended up having this conversation.

[anyhope]

Just dropping in for an update. I decided not to bust anything any longer. I felt it was useless. My husband is clearly having a relationship with someone else. Regardless of how he says it's meaningless. Regardless of who she is. Regardless of all. Im tired of people talking about us, tired of thinking about what he might be thinking. I just really let go, I mean 90% let go.

I'm actively looking for a place to live which is hard considering my budget and the fact I have a dog, but I will find something and will be moving ASAP. He doesn't seem at all concerned, so if I'm so easy to let go then it's really over I guess.

I did give in to temptation and snooped on his laptop yesterday. Ow left for a month and they keep in touch through Facebook and text. Well let me tell you.. I first read their posts to each other, full of I love yous and things so beautiful he has never said to me. And by never I don't mean not for a while, I mean never. Maybe it really was all misunderstood and we never had those deep feelings for each other. Breaks my heart to see the attention I've been craving for so long given to someone else so easily.

I also read some messages between him and his ex. As they keep in touch online (I'm fine with that) I know he's honest with her. She had asked who ow was and if he's cheating on me. He told her he was not cheating, that the love betwwe us is non existent and he wants to be happy, wants a new life and this girl (ow) is someone he's happy with and who helps him get over me easier.
He also mentioned the word fling, but.. Whatever.

Time to move on to something better. I'm not a difficult person to figure out, I have so much love to give and crave to be loved by another. As the song states I will survive. I'm much stronger than I was at the beginning or a month ago even.. I think it's because I gave up. I still get tears in my eyes when certain songs come on the radio. I have been in this relationship since I was 19 (or was it 18?) and it's weird to be single, but it is what it is.

I will drop by again when I've moved im sure as I know attcually leaving will be very hard on me, but the question is answered at this point. I will go.

[~ kd ~]

AH, the LBS goes through a lot of stages...

If you're letting go the rope, that is entirely up to you and should help you emotionally...

but you will be on your own roller coaster for a while. We are always here to support you...

[Julz]

I think you are doing the right thing. Similar situation for me - but he left then told me re OW. I know my husband very well and the guilt got to him. He fell in love (well that's what he thinks) with someone else and made the hard decision to end our marriage to be with her - because he believes the love is gone between us. That was just on 3 months ago. I'm still on a coaster - I keep waiting for his fling to end and for him to realise that there really is love left between us. I am in a sense dropped the rope, but I still can't let go 100%.

[anyhope]

Please give advise.. He has invited me to his 40th birthday party. I said I wouldn't go as I'm now nobody to him, so he was surprised. I said he only invites me because ow is out of town, he said it was not true.. We left it at that.. Should I attend?

[anyhope]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same hell. I really can't wait to move as maybe that way he would miss me, or I'm not even sure what I really want to happen, but if I can at least get my thoughts straightened out a bit alone it would be amazing.

[anyhope]

Having a rough day. Ow left town a while ago and I heard him tell her on the phone who painful it is waiting for her for another more than 2 weeks. Then a few days later he announced that he's going after her to visit for a week to the other side of the country.

I wish I was out of here already in the process of recovering, but still here, not quite sure where I'm gonna move although I've seen an apartment I liked today,so I was really happy about that. When I think about leaving I get so sad, and it really hurts that for him it's so easy..

We got into a huge fight yesterday at a friends house while drinking. It was pretty embarrassing really, then we ended up having sex at home.. Not sure how good of an idea it was, but we both drank enough to not care. I ended up coming back to my room as in my mind it did not change anything and I think he felt the same.

I'm scared of the idea of uncertainty of how I will support myself, but what choice do I have.. Other people live alone and they survive to, so I guess so will I. I also have to go back to school as time is thight to finish the remaining courses I need to take, but my brain is uncapeable of studying. I know I would just lose the enrollment fee because nothing would stick in my brain.

He'll be gone for a week. I wonder if he'll call me.. They're going to a forest to camp for 3-4 days so he won't call me then.. He might not call me at all. I just want to stop thinking about the whole thing and move on already.

[~ kd ~]

On the b-day party... use the standard question: Would it help, hurt, or have no effect?

And ONLY go if YOU can handle it... it might have been a knee jerk saying that he only asked you because OW is out of town... what if that were the case? What if he asked you to go and you knew OW would be there? And with OW not around, why NOT go?

Just some thoughts... but the answer truly is... do works and what's right... for you...

Seeing your last post though, as anticipated, you are going through your own roller coaster of emotions... It will take a while to get through them...

Best you can do is be as stable as possible while around your H. Set some boundaries to help with that, as necessary. And GAL... even when you don't quite feel like it... and also... understand it's also OK to watch a girlie movie and eat ice cream and bon bons when you need to... I did that...

[aeolianchaos]

Anyhope:

What would going do for you?

How would that affect your integrity?

It sounds like you've decided to drop H completely @ the moment. So why would you go to his birthday?

Careful w/ the sex stuff - STDs and all that.

I'm scared of the idea of uncertainty of how I will support myself, but what choice do I have.. Other people live alone and they survive to, so I guess so will I.

You will get through this. You're obviously a very intelligent person and this may be the beginning of a period of real growth and prosperity for you.