Do I stay or do I go?

[anyhope]

Having a rough day. Ow left town a while ago and I heard him tell her on the phone who painful it is waiting for her for another more than 2 weeks. Then a few days later he announced that he's going after her to visit for a week to the other side of the country.

I wish I was out of here already in the process of recovering, but still here, not quite sure where I'm gonna move although I've seen an apartment I liked today,so I was really happy about that. When I think about leaving I get so sad, and it really hurts that for him it's so easy..

We got into a huge fight yesterday at a friends house while drinking. It was pretty embarrassing really, then we ended up having sex at home.. Not sure how good of an idea it was, but we both drank enough to not care. I ended up coming back to my room as in my mind it did not change anything and I think he felt the same.

I'm scared of the idea of uncertainty of how I will support myself, but what choice do I have.. Other people live alone and they survive to, so I guess so will I. I also have to go back to school as time is thight to finish the remaining courses I need to take, but my brain is uncapeable of studying. I know I would just lose the enrollment fee because nothing would stick in my brain.

He'll be gone for a week. I wonder if he'll call me.. They're going to a forest to camp for 3-4 days so he won't call me then.. He might not call me at all. I just want to stop thinking about the whole thing and move on already.