25yearsmlc, thanks so much for all your responses. Feels nice to have someone else consider my situation, even if it may not be possible to offer any solutions!
Yeah, strangely enough given the situation, she still finds me attractive, though without the sexual charge of our earliest days. She recently helped me buy a suit, and commented that I look good enough to be a male model for suits. OK, flattering, but not a hint that it's going to result in any kind of intimacy. In the old days, she would have come over to give me a playful feel after a comment like that. But now it's just a verbal observation, with no followup whatsoever.
Sure, I can try to tell her things I would like to try. I know that won't upset her as long as I phrase it as "things I'd like to do". If I say they are "things we should do", or things "we need to do", or if I suggest that I'd be disappointed if we didn't do them, than she gets upset. She doesn't want pressure. In the past, when I've mentioned things I'd like to do, she would respond with a compassionate, "Yes, I know you do", in a tone that suggests she's sorry she can't accomodate. So, yes, I do occasionally remind her of what I'd like, to leave the door open and let her know that I haven't forgotten what I'd like to have with her.
But saying it's bringing me down and that it's unfair, that puts pressure on her and makes her feel bad and guilty, and then angry and depressed. I've tried that many times and it gets nowhere.
Yes, I kwim about those shocked people! True stories of married people often defy logic and even imagination. Like the ABC TV report about 5 years ago on low libido. A guy married a stripper he was crazy about, and a few years later she complains that he doesn't want enough sex! Huh?!! :-) I thought I'd heard everything! One thing that was an eye-opener for me was to see on Internet marriage boards how many women (as opposed to men) are basically in my situation. I even bought the book (by MWD of this board herself), "The Sex-Starved Wife" out of fascination.
No insult taken on the Viagra thing. Considering my health (BMI 20), I don't think my wife is counting on any kind of drop-off in that area any time soon! I'm into endurance sports, and can outlast most men half my age. It's all about blood flow and cardiovascular health. I think there is great variety among men with regard to need for Viagra. Some need it as early as their 40's, while a few others will never need it. I don't know where you heard that all men need Viagra by a certain age, as you seem to imply. That is certainly not the case. In fact, as you may have heard, recent medical wisdom is that first onset of ED at any age should be seriously regarded as a possible leading indicator of cardiovascular disease.
