As for your choices, while you should make some, you don't have to make them all at once and you do not have a time limit. You have to decide what is right for you and nothing more than that. You don't have to look at what might be nor what you think he might be like. I suspect that reconnecting with a MLCr is like meeting somebody new all over again, except you have some history (some good and some not so good).
Your choice is whether or not you let him into your life and how. Don't let the past intrude on your future and don't let somebody (anybody) take what you are. A good relationship would include somebody who fits into your plans and enhances your life - not somebody who takes away from it.
AJ - can't tell you how much i appreciate you taking a possitive approach with me. I respond better to positive motivation in all situations
I have been reading other threads tonight of people who have tried to piece and one thing that is said over and over is the MLCer or WAS needs to be given an ultimatum. To stay strong on boundries.
I believe I have done this. I told H that I wanted the man I am with to love only me and that I must be his plan A not plan B. I am happy without him so he would need to win me back.
He failed completely. now people are saying (on and off line) that it is a slow process. time.
Other threads have said that the WAS/MLCer needs to be committed to working on the R. My H has chosen not to.
and unlike others, that was the final blow for me. There is only so much a person can take. and that was it for me.
I have had all day to read and think.
I went through a gloomy time, even cried. but not for H. for myself. didn't last but a moment. Then I was just depressed for a few hours. I was alone. bored. thinking too much about all of lifes unpleasantries for everyone. then I snapped out of it. laughed and talked to my girls. Then got serious about reading past posts.
Once again I come back to my decision to finalize my divorce tomorrow. It is over.
So my future plans: 1. sell house 2. temp move into mom and dads house, put things in storage 3. I make good money and with child support from STBXH I will get all of my debt paid off and $ saved for my new place. I am going to rent a really nice duplex. 3 bedrooms with a family room basement. I don't want to own anything. I don't know where the girls and I will be in a year.
sometimes I want to start over, start fresh. sometimes i want to stay here. Where I live is not my hometown. my mom and dad live here for the same reason STBXH and I are here - the men are both Railroaders. Mom and Dad are retiring in 2 years to florida. STBXH has talked multiple times about his desire to move back home (different state). so who knows where the girls and I will be. might find that I don't want to leave even though everyone else does! I love my job, but I have loved every job I have ever had. I am a recovering workaholic so at this point I don't care where I work.
My STBXH and I have talked about this. He wants to be by his kids. but with his job it would be just as good for the girls to spend all summer with him and vacations. Who knows, he was open to the idea a long time ago but he might get a bug up his arse if i ever got serious about moving.
This is where being good friends is helpful. Not many people on the boards have this and I feel lucky that I do.
Oh btw! forgot to metion the other day that when I said to him that he loves 2 women for different reasons, his reply?
"sure you wouldn't be interested in our own Big Love?"
Really? This man isn't serious about anything in his life.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
