i think a part of me was scared to totally let him go because of the "what if" factor. you know what i mean...
"what if he wakes up!" "what if i just wait" "what if I am with someone else and he wants me back" "what if, what if, what it"
Well, he has started to wake up, and it isn't enough.
I am done waiting.
him wanting me back isn't good enough anymore. used to be, not any more.
but the one and only thing that remains consistant is the OW. He might me waking up, appologizing, saying he loves me...but this is all done while he lives and loves another woman. when I look at him. His eyes are clear, he is fully aware of his MLC (even commented on it yesterday), and still chooses to live and love ow.
everyone here keeps telling me to make a decision, and I have. I have my future plans made and they don't include him. And I like that. I like my plans for the future, and funny but even if we were to R, he would not like my plans. we would have to go with his plans, not mine. not even a blend of the 2 plans. it would his way or nothing.
i choose nothing.
my bears won today and my man Brian Urlacher was amazing! my D13 is a total teenage brat today - yikes. D11 is in love with a new boy at school whose dad was a Green Bay Packer. interesting. The only man in my life that loves me unconditionally (Tug, my dog)has been following me around all day giving me kisses - he knows I am gloomy because of the men in my life and he is diligently trying to make up for his gender!lol!!
oh and this is the best - I laughed so hard!! I was on my profile page on FB and on the side they always recommend people that you might know to be friends with...it was the OW!!! I am so dead serious!! ROFLMAO!! REALLY?!
It is also 9/11/11. ten years and I remember like it was yesterday. I think about all of the lives lost between then and now. The families torn apart. My heart and prayers go out to everyone who had friends, family from 9/11 and our military men/women since then.
Makes my gloominess rediculous
girls are back home and they are laughing and joking around and making me smile. got to go!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
