I am thinking there are two potentially different facets to the conversation I want to have. Here are some thoughts over where I am. (My W knows some of this already)
Regarding the D: - It is NOT the right decision for me. - It is the wrong decision for my family. - It is not the right moral decision. - I am not willing to turn my back on my W or my family. - IMO it's just not the right thing to do. - It doesn't "feel" right - On the spiritual level, it's not what God himself wants me to do. If I just lay down, that doesn't qualify for "Well done, good and faithful one." - I can't argue that it's LEGALLY right - the law supports someone who want to walk away from a marriage. I can't say it's illegal, can I?
Regarding the M: - I know I have made my share of mistakes in the M, I am truly sorry for them, and I'm more than willing to own up to them. - I haven't always loved my W throughout our M as I should. The MC after bomb #1 changed that completely. I not only look at my W differently now, but I also look at other people differently. - Before bomb #1 I was driven by committment, after bomb #1 I am driven by love. - Right now, I am loving someone who doesn't love me back. Has my acted in a way that she is easy to love? I would say absolutely not. - I would love nothing more than to D the old M, and move forward today. - My W is a unique person. There is NO ONE like her. I love her despite her quirks, imperfections, and insecurities. Also, she has very many fine qualities as well that make her easy to love.
Just some random thoughts on my mind today. Feel free to drive to the lumberyard and pick up some 2x4s or whatever.
