What do I want from this site? It helps to get validation that I'm in a sad sitch sexually. Everything else -- kids, finances, relatives, careers, vacations, hobbies -- are all going very well and we have lots of good times otherwise. So it's easy to sweep this problem under the rug and figure I'll deal with it -- somehow! -- down the road. At any given moment, the problem is to big to solve, and waiting another day can't hurt.
In fact, you could say it's an unexpectedly unfortunate result of how we learned in therapy to keep our sexual differences from spilling over into other areas of our lives. In the end, those people for whom sexual problems blow up their whole marriage, at least they go on quickly to new relationships. They may be picking up the pieces in so many other ways, but at least they solve their sexual problems that way.
No, neither of us have been with others. But that's not due to religious pressure or anything. We met young and married young.
I agree with your comments on sexual abuse. She doesn't seem to want to do anything about it other than to use it as an excuse, among many other excuses.
No, not asking or needing permission to cheat or divorce! ;-)
Is it a dealbreaker? Yeah. Have I told her? Yes, years ago, and she said she'd think about it. And then time would pass... etc. The problem is, I'm not prepared to throw out everything, rejigger my whole life, property, kids, etc. and get a new partner just for the sex. And apparently I'm not alone in this thinking. Dan Savage, in his recent podcast (# 251) mentioned an unscientific survey which suggests that there is a reduction in the rate of divorce for sexual reasons. Perhaps due to the economy, but perhaps also, as the survey suggest, it's because with the Internet and cell phones it has become vastly easier to find people to exactly meet your needs on the side. And Dan thinks it may not be an all bad thing.
All my options suck really badly. So it helps to just talk and hope. My sex t says I'm not alone in my situation -- not by a long shot.
