TAMF, I've been reading your posts on this. I must say I admire your thoughts and your courage to post them. I haven't heard the entire story and at some point may go back and look.
I see a few things in your posts that stand out to me: 1) you didn't expect this. It brings up old hurts and pains. I think that would be the expected part. 2) You aren't sure he means what he says or if he is lying. You don't trust him. Rightfully so. 3) Bringing up this pain has caused some doubts and pain that you had put behind you. 4) A MLCr coming back? Maybe that's not their choice any longer...
All of those things combined show up in your posts. I'm just reflecting at this point, but it seems to me you are not as done as you would have thought and he is hitting that nerve. But I agree with the rest that it is important that you figure out what you want regardless of whom you get it from. I don't think a MLC'r would come back all at once, but neither do I think that you are where he left you I think this would be a new relationship as if you hadn't met, except for the history.
I do not think it would be realistic if you were expected to drop all of that, but it seems you were willing to "see" if he was willing to drop the OW and demonstrate. You see now he is not moving that fast. Perhaps a moment of lucidity, or perhaps a moment of manipulation. Not enough information to know, right?
What makes more sense is for you to look at your life and what you want. To answer the questions E posed (to yourself) to figure out what you want and to drop the rest. You have learned this in the past, and demands etc on H are more designed to see if he is trustworthy at this point than they are about you from what I can see.
Bottom line is that if he is not, you are not as slow to allow him to act like that. Moving forward is what you are doing even if he doesn't catch up. You two are in very different places and I think you are getting stuck in that limbo or are at least in danger of that if you do not make a decision soon.
Decisions can be tough. They can be even harder to live with, but I think you know that and I think you know they can be changed if you're willing.
My suggestion is to make your choice vs. getting into limbo and tearing yourself up. You can watch and see at a distance and decide you do want some sort of R with him later even if you make a decision for you now.
He is not demonstrating trustworthiness and I doubt seriously if you dated somebody you didn't have a history with you would allow that. Why would you allow it with somebody you really don't konw any longer?
My $0.04 worth.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
