Are there any midlife women who want daily sex?

[25yearsmlc]

My question to you would be, how many years has it been since you have had "good" (engaged, enthusiastic) sex pretty much whenever you wanted it?

Never. Never seen a woman have an orgasm. Never had sex "whenever I wanted it". I've had "somewhat engaged" and "somewhat enthusiastic" sex early in my marriage, which was more like "the fun of novelty" on the part of my wife.

Ssmguy, forgive me, truly, for asking this. But do you know what you are doing in bed? I only ask b/c you say you have
"never seen a woman have an orgasm"... that's amazingly UNfortunate for your w and any other women you've been with, (as well as you.)

But am I to assume you've been with other women and none of them had one either? If so, then it may well be YOU, but then you are lucky in a way, b/c b/c there are books on HOW TO make love and please your woman out there. You are not powerless!!!

If your w is the only woman you've ever been with then it's hard for us to know what the deal is. (And you can't really count call girls b/c they are professionally trained to fake and they do a good job of it, evidently)....



Which is why I'm asking the question of this thread. I've never had the kind of sexual relationship I now realize I could have had, and could still have. Not sure I could ever get my wife to that point. But I just want to understand myself and what is realistic and unrealistic, not just with my wife, but with anybody.

How are you "now realizing that [you] could have had a different kind of sexual relationship"? What triggered this realization?

FWIW, I don't think it's alright not to enjoy your sex life. You deserve a shot at a good sex life but before we make it all about your wife, let's dig a little deeper.

I'm a little younger than you and maybe your w, but I enjoy ml a lot. All 3 of my sisters do as well. We seem to be HD women and the brothers I've discussed this with, are HD as well.

However, my libido did drop noticeably about a year ago. (Before that, it was about 75% of what it used to be, which was high. But yes I can honestly say it had dropped some...and I've read that the first year or two after the birth of a child it also drops. I found that to be true for me (though DURING pregnancy, my libido was never higher! Same goes for my sisters...go figure)

Then the "new" drop in libido about a year ago, came fairly dramatically. At first I wondered about a new medication I was taking for back pain maybe lowering my sex drive...but then I thought

maybe it was menopause, and therefore was "natural", (so what?)
I mean, to heck with that.

I saw my doctor b/c I figured if it was "just menopause", I wanted some hormones to get my old libido back.

(Mind you, even when the libido felt close to nil, like after my dad died, I still craved the intimacy of sex. But I didn't initiate much at all).

Anyhow, long story short, my doctor found the cause of my hormones being out of whack, (not menopause but a benign tumor on my ovary)

so we are so glad I got it checked out and removed. I AM feeling like my old/young self again. There are treatments for women out there, which your w may be interested in learning about. It's like saying "I eat to live, but I don't taste my food." If it's her, and she gets treated and then gets true sexual satisfaction, I think you'll see something miraculous.

As for ML, every day, know that-

1) it is TIME consuming to have GOOD sex.

(BTW--"Quickies" are not that fun to have often. They are one sided and messy and...well, that's it-and one sided sex, over time, would feel lonely & get frustrating).

Back to being time consuming- compared to my 20s...

There are usually a whole lot of things on my plate that weren't there in my 20s.

For instance, we have a 14 y/o at home, so privacy matters, and h works EARLY in the morning and I'm a night owl, so there are other dynamics and compromises. Plus my libido peaks at night and his is in the a.m.

But it's Not just about pure libido. Though my libido is restored to a large extent, it does take my "engine" a little longer to start up so sex takes longer now. In a lot of ways, that's FINE-even better in some ways. But once I get going, I have more stamina for it than I did in my 20s...(IOW my capacity & appetite for more O's is greater).

Once upon a time, a 10 min love making session could be mutually satisfying, however short lived. Hurried sex was sometimes all one had time for, with 2 jobs and little kids...but now, it has to be longer for both of us to get our "cookies"...so there is a time element here. Do we have time for a mutually satisfying experience?

2) Secondly, sex every day would lead me to get SORE (like I did on our honeymoon) and that has other negative dimensions, like urinary tract infections or vaginal irritation. There are things to help with that, but it's an issue.


The thing is, I now realize I was very accomodating to my wife's limitations in the early years and I assumed she'd improve over the years. I totally bought into the bogus advice from magazine columns which said that women peak sexually around age 40, etc.

Please take no offense at this question, for I mean none, and I know most men are very touchy on this topic...

but, how did YOU improve over the years, as a lover? What has your w actually SAID about enjoying or not enjoying it? Has she asked for anyting? Is she from a culture in which women were not supposed to enjoy sex? Does she worry that she has hygiene issues? Ever try to ML right after a shower? Or in it? And does she have a basis for comparison as far as sex is concerned?

I think it was the author Balzac who said "there are no frigid women; only ignorant men." Perhaps you truly are not powerless here. Wouldn't that be good news, in a way?

Plus, there are toys that help some women. A brother of mine says his w needs that to "get all the way there" so he has that and they manage to have a good time in bed. Often enough for him, and he is definitely HD.