I'm a "go with the flow" guy. Not much phases me. I'm not ignorant of any past transgressions on my part. My job had been uber stressful for about 2 years because the learning curve is so intense. So, yes, there were times I would come across as irritable. As I look back about 5-6 months before she closed up shop on me I noticed that we were both more irritable. There was definitely a lead up. I never called her names or hurt her physicaly, we are just both guilty of defending our own standpoint over the other person. With that said, I always had a tendency to just let it go and let her win. It was never important enough for me to keep going. Much of my frustration was built around feeling stupid for being so forgetful and much of the time I 'think' my wife took that as not caring enough. 6 months ago I starting putting things together in my head and got checked out. Turns out I have ADD and anxiety. Had no idea, but it sure explains the forgetfulness.
I display low symptoms, which means my anxiety is high, but my ADD symptoms only pertain to focus and concentration. I take a low dosage of meds that help with my focus and my work has improved. Beyond that it hasn't made me a different person. I'm still laid back continue to give the appearance that nothing phases me ( which is why my having anxiety issues shocked me ).
I guess what I taking so long to say is that I'm non-confrontational. Always have been. I'm not scared of people so much as I guess I live in my own world. I've always looked at the bigger picture on things and I feel that no matter what, life could always be worse than today. No point getting bent on other peoples issues.
Am I letting her dictate my actions? Didn't think so, but the more I'm reading about MLC and drawing comparisons, I'm beginning to lose focus on me every now and then. I like what I do in several respects. I'd always felt I needed to do more for my wife and not just my kids. Now I am. I like the fact that I've developed a routine around several household chores.
I just want to tell her how I feel and I know that I'm not supposed too and that feels wrong. I want to tell her how I feel about her, but I know that would come across as desperate in her minds eye. I'm doing so many positive things that after more than a year I don't know if I should be happy that she finally speaks to me at all to tell me she resents me. It really is as if there is nothing I can ever do right for her and she will never open her eyes.
There's something I haven't tried, but I just don't know what it is.
