Thanks, E and Telemark. I have been thinking about this a lot today. I think what I may end up doing is start working on what I want to tell her. I am just feeling the need to clear the air, if nothing else. I will probably start putting something together and share it with this message board before I discuss it with her. I also have a couple of DB coach sessions still outstanding.
I guess ultimately this could be a reverse bomb . She bombed me with D, and I could bomb her with R. Not completely the same, but the main similarity is it's unexpected.
There may be a triggering event (e.g. D draft settlement showing up, pressure to re-fi the house, etc.) before I initiate the convo.
. She bombed me with D, and I could bomb her with R. 
