been gone so long couldn't find my thread! lol!

[ericmsant2]

PEI,

Oh, and by the way E ... you should be out making your own. 'Nuff said.

I'm working on it...I have one line written so far

Have a great weekend.

Eric

[TAMF]

It's either H or not H.

Period.

PEI

not H

That is my gut reaction, my immediate thought when I read your email. and cried.

The nail in the coffin was the fact that he told me tuesday morning they had broke up...but it is Friday and he still lives with her.

I am done, he has done this to me so many times over the last 8 months that it borders on the ridiculous.

When E said H doesn't respect me, he is dead on. when I said I was happy without him, I meant it.

PEI - I don't need a list to finally realize this.

I will do the list later, because it is good and I should have one. But H doesn't fit anything i want anymore.

I will tell him tonight that I am finishing the divorce.

LET ME MAKE ONE THING PERFECTLY CLEAR! I am not doing this BECAUSE OF THE OP! I am doing this because i don't want to do this anymore. I deserve more.

Rubber band has snapped.

[ericmsant2]

TAMF,
All I can tell you is this….

But H doesn't fit anything i want anymore.

I will tell him tonight that I am finishing the divorce.

I often said this to myself. I especially did it when I had someone else in my life. It was easier that way. I am not saying that you are wrong. Nope. If this is how you feel then hey go be freaking happy.
A couple of other observations….and let’s be very open and honest here…you know who the OP was for me.

LET ME MAKE ONE THING PERFECTLY CLEAR!

The CAPS, remind me of what I did. I defended her. I believe it in every part of my being. I loved HER. Actually, to be honest with you I still do, but in a very different way. So when I read your last post it spoke to me. Man…I can still remember the way I felt.

I am not doing this BECAUSE OF THE OP!

I said the same thing…..Oh….how she made me feel. How much I realized that after her, I NEVER wanted to go back with my W. I said this to myself…over…and over…and over again. I do not have to explain my next point because you know this….the emotional bond that was formed between us, is still alive today. That said, we can both look at each other and realize what it was and why it was. That said, I want you to ask yourself a question…..

But H doesn't fit anything i want anymore.

So you have grown SO much….that H is not what you want anymore. Does not fit the bill anymore…and OP has nothing to do with it? Of this is REALLY how you feel, then okay. I said the samething TAMF...the same thing.

I will tell you a story of a women I met not too long ago….she was lovely, kind, sweet, she reminded me of my XW….in so many ways. It was love..or so I thought it was….Do you want to know why I thought it was love? Cause, she was EXACTLY like my XW used to be. She met the criteria that I had in my mind and heart. What I came to realize is that I felt this way because the wound was still fresh for me, still open. I can honestly say I struggled with being alone - F* ck sometime I still do.

Before you pull this plug. Make sure sweetie.

Ask yourself this….IF you feel that H will NEVER go back to being what HE WAS. If you feel that H will never be able to meet your needs…. Well then yes, go do what you need to do. Go live, be happy, love, have great sex…ENJOY your life TAMF.
Cause……

I deserve more

THIS ^^^^^^^^

You do deserve BETTER!

That better though is sooooo easy to feel when someone else whispers in your ear. Feels so better when the attraction is alive, kicking and screaming. Lord, I have FELT it MANY times.

In the end though……

Once that goes away, once that HIGH goes away……

You are left with YOUR choices.

I will support whatever you decide to do sweetie!

No regrets TAMF….if you can do it with NO regrets….then chit…..go sweetie in peace.

Oh….and REMEMBER THIS……..

YOU CAN ALWAYS CHANGE YOUR MIND!

ALWAYS…..

You can choose to stand today and not stand tomorrow.
Love ya girl and go have a drink….it’s Friday!

Oh...before I go....when you are DONE, really DONE, you do not care or need to tell your H that you are moving forward with a D....YOU just DO IT. At least IMO,

To be honest with you.....

You want to use OP and the DIVORCE as a way to snap your H out of it. You want to use it as leverage. Wrong reason sweetie...

Do it because you are done.

God Bless,
Eric

[TAMF]

nope. I am done.

[Truegritter]

"why am I not good enough to love?"

Wow that's a big one! But true.

As LBS's we start out behind the 8 ball.

IMO this is the BIGGEST goal of the LBS.

To know themselves. To feel worthy of the love we might feel for another.

For only feeling worhty of it can you give it freely.

And we think that someone else can provide that but they really can't.

Ever.

If it's not H, then you need to figure out what you want.

And how do you know what that is?

I have described it this way before:

Your time with your H is like emotional gravity.

Just like the gravity of the sun makes the earth circle it

So as we, will ever be drawn to our beloved

Made heavy by the memory of time.

Yet we

Have the opportunity to know that...

And decide a path based on what we want and not some

Well...

Uncontrollable. Constant.unviversal. predictable. fathomable. formulaic...

Thing.

[TAMF]

had convo with H last night told him that I am finalizing the divorce. He told me on Tuesday that he had broke up with ow and it is Friday and he still lives with her! I told him he had done this to me for the last time. He said, "you told me you were happy without me, what was I supposed to do?" I replied that he could live alone. I told him on Tuesday that he could move back in and I would go to my mom and dads house. He had no reply. I said,"so all that talk about winning me back...you were going to do that while living with OW?" no reply. I reiterated my guidelines...love only me and not plan B. I asked him if he thought he could be that man for me. He said he didn't know. I told him that a long time ago I said that I loved him enough to let him go, now he needs to let me go. He said, "I know".

The way I see it, I am looking like the path of least resistance. And I refuse to be that path. How miserable I will be, how miserable he will be.

We spent the day together getting the house ready for a showing. We got along just fine, friends. He tried to hug me and I backed off. I have no desire what so ever.

He knows that Monday I will finsh the process. Not much left to do. he doesn't seem sad at all either. it's all good.

I had no tears. No sadness about H.

Sad for other reasons now.

Oh well, I have overcome heartache that I thought would kill me, I can do it again.

[forward]

TAMF, You are wise. You have done your work on yourself.

Of course you should not be the path of least resistance.

I could see X coming back at some point for the same sort of reason.

Ultimately, it sounds as if your H needs to do some growing up. You are wise to have him do it without you.

If he is ever able to come up to where you need him to be, you could evaluate who he is then, and who you are.

[forward]

TAMF, You are wise. You have done your work on yourself.

Of course you should not be the path of least resistance.

I could see X coming back at some point for the same sort of reason.

Ultimately, it sounds as if your H needs to do some growing up. You are wise to have him do it without you.

If he is ever able to come up to where you need him to be, you could evaluate who he is then, and who you are.

[TAMF]

thanks forward,

i woke up this morning with my 2 Ds in bed with me (D13 is 5'9"!) and my big boxer Tug! I just sat there and looked at them and smiled. this is my family now and I love it! I feel no loss. only smiles.

I know the girls are good too, they tell me all the time. tragiclly they have 2 bf whos parents are also going through D, so they have a support group with thier peers. D13 tells me all the time that they feel lucky cause H and I are friends and that isn't the case with thier friends...

got more work to do on my house this morning to get it perfect. realtor told me last night that there are 2 people that want to see it this week. keep your fingers crossed for me!!

Oh one more thing..

GO BEARS!!!!!!!

[AJM]

Go bears? Hmm...

TAMF, I've been reading your posts on this. I must say I admire your thoughts and your courage to post them. I haven't heard the entire story and at some point may go back and look.

I see a few things in your posts that stand out to me:
1) you didn't expect this. It brings up old hurts and pains. I think that would be the expected part.
2) You aren't sure he means what he says or if he is lying. You don't trust him. Rightfully so.
3) Bringing up this pain has caused some doubts and pain that you had put behind you.
4) A MLCr coming back? Maybe that's not their choice any longer...

All of those things combined show up in your posts. I'm just reflecting at this point, but it seems to me you are not as done as you would have thought and he is hitting that nerve. But I agree with the rest that it is important that you figure out what you want regardless of whom you get it from. I don't think a MLC'r would come back all at once, but neither do I think that you are where he left you I think this would be a new relationship as if you hadn't met, except for the history.

I do not think it would be realistic if you were expected to drop all of that, but it seems you were willing to "see" if he was willing to drop the OW and demonstrate. You see now he is not moving that fast. Perhaps a moment of lucidity, or perhaps a moment of manipulation. Not enough information to know, right?

What makes more sense is for you to look at your life and what you want. To answer the questions E posed (to yourself) to figure out what you want and to drop the rest. You have learned this in the past, and demands etc on H are more designed to see if he is trustworthy at this point than they are about you from what I can see.

Bottom line is that if he is not, you are not as slow to allow him to act like that. Moving forward is what you are doing even if he doesn't catch up. You two are in very different places and I think you are getting stuck in that limbo or are at least in danger of that if you do not make a decision soon.

Decisions can be tough. They can be even harder to live with, but I think you know that and I think you know they can be changed if you're willing.

My suggestion is to make your choice vs. getting into limbo and tearing yourself up. You can watch and see at a distance and decide you do want some sort of R with him later even if you make a decision for you now.

He is not demonstrating trustworthiness and I doubt seriously if you dated somebody you didn't have a history with you would allow that. Why would you allow it with somebody you really don't konw any longer?

My $0.04 worth.

AJ