CS, so sorry bro. I sometimes wondered what I would think if I ever heard (or saw I guess) those words from my W and I honestly still don't know. I do know it would be a kick in the gut at the very least.
I'm also sorry about the timing of this, but you may have a practical/legal matter to look at soon. I don't know how CA is, but my understanding of MI law is that any child born in a M is assumed to be the product of H and W. This has lots of support and other implications. When you are strong enough, please see a L to see how this affects you. You already know how it affects you on a personal level, I think you should find out on a legal and financial level too.
Let us know what we can do to help you through this.
Me 43 W 38 M 5 T 7 SD20 S15, S13 with 1st W ILYBNILWY June 2010 Separation/Bomb July 2010 Divorce Feb 8, 2011
Wow, TG - that is some good advice. CS does have a choice here. He doesn't have to be the victim to her behavior, actions, etc.
To me, and again I haven't read his whole sitch, when I first read this, I got this "inner, knowing" sense that ... it was freedom. Yes, there is going to be a lot of pain, but maybe a finality? A real door closed for another one to open?
I read this quote today - sorry if it's not totally appropriate - but maybe down the road - "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly."
I really didn't expect this in your sitch. Did you respond at all yet?
How far along is the pregnancy?
Is it possible this happened before the progress being made? (If so, we can address that).
And finally, remember what an admirable man her father was. If I recall it right, you looked up to him. His sudden death hurt you & and his family a lot.
His d, (your w) seems even more lost without him...
What would HE say to this?
(Other than don't blame the poor child...)
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
CS, I agree all of this is fracked up. I agree determining where your legal obligations are very important. I can only imagine the drama and pain you feel.
Putting these aside for a minute let us realize your daughter will have a half sibling in about 8 months. For a child as young as she is that is pretty exciting. How the adults around her react to her excitement is important. The child itself is innocent and deserving of love. They are close enough in age they will be playmates for a time. There is time to think about how you’ll handle this new person in your daughters life. Even though it is very early I bring it up now b/c none of us knows with certainty where we will be tomorrow let alone a few years from now. Months from now please remember this child is innocent.
I’ll provide an example of why I am going here. One of my SILs was married with three children. She and my BIL divorced for a variety of reasons some of them IMO very justified, none of them IMO beyond growing out of. After about a year they were discussing a reconciliation and MC when she became pregnant. The child is of mixed race, a deal breaker for my BIL to ever have any type of relationship with him.
The first ten years or so of this now young mans life were hell principally b/c of the prejudices placed in his three older sisters minds by my BIL. The eldest blamed him for the failure of her mother and father to reconcile. The youngest three yrs at the time climbed into his crib and bit him a couple of times a month for months.
He graduates HS next year. My BIL will not speak cordially about or to him. His half sisters and he now have a much better relationship. He has had his struggles, and I wonder how much better his life could have been if the resentment and sometimes hatred had not been directed at him.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
CS, I am so sorry, man. I really don't know what to say.
FWIW, despite all the pain you're feeling right now, I would much rather be you than your W right now. I would rather be you than OM now, too. You're the one who's grown through this. You're the one who's done the right thing. You are the one going in the right direction. Your W and OM are on the highway to destruction. You're not the one with the guilt.
