25yearsmlc- I don't want to spend anymore time trying to understand. I do the "stop" signs,etc. But, 20 years together it's hard to just put away in my mind. of course it is. And I ache for you & the children. IF I could, I'd send you a hug, and him a slap in the face through my computer. God knows, I've tried. Apparently it only goes so far... I do feel like this D needs to become final before I can really move on.
I get that. How long will it take if it goes as fast as possible? (Not asking for that, but a ballpark figure).
BUt, even then I will still be reliant on his money. And, it is a lot of money.
Try to see it as a debt owed, which I swear it is. And the courts will get it to you. And as for it being "a lot", I say "well thank GOD!"
Maybe trying to understand OW and H will just give me a reason-an answer. I honestly don't know. I guess I honestly want an answer to why and like you said I am NOT going to get one. You won't get one that makes sense or is true. So, do you want to spend time waiting for a 1) crazy answer that isn't true, or 2) a self serving lie?
B/C in your sitch, since he can't even act consistently, HE doesn't know any "reason" for his behavior. Why? B/C Life, his behavior is UNreasonable...by definition therefore, it lacks reason....
He's going to drag this out and now I have to have L serve him a support order which will now take us both to court.
We don't "know" that he'll drag it out. I assume you mean he'll argue to pay less? Shows how much "reason" he put into these choices...
But I always assumed a support order would have to be issued. What were you thinking? I mean, did you think he'd reliably pay up over time? OW's has needs you know...and he is about to notice how they conflict with yours and your kids...oh well....
I know I repeat myself. I just feel a huge load of responsibility for my kids and their mental as well as my own. I get that. There are times you can probably benefit by re-reading posts you found helpful.
But we all spent a lot of time spinning our wheels until we finally get some traction. You will get there.
I really do believe he thinks I am the complete reason for his unhappiness. This I know is a LIE. He is sick. But, interesting how he can still do his job and go home every night to his OW and child. Okay - venting now. Weekends are hard.
Thankfully, you know it's a lie. In time, he will too. How? Oh, when he's not so happy even though his big problem (ie you) isn't around...or OW reveals a flaw...or an event takes place and he's not there for it...
The bitter phase where it's all your fault for "screwing him in court" may last. IDK. Maybe all his future problems are also going to be your fault...how tiring will that be to hear for ow? (Don't assume he won't turn on HER though...he's a blamer).
Maybe he'll even think you "turned the kids against" him...
but he does know, at some level, that He left you and he left his children. He lied, a lot. And he didn't come back...
If he's so out of it that he cannot accept those^^^ few basic truths,
you must learn not to allow that into your soul. He's too far gone. Let OW have that...
remember my uncle and aunt...SHE IS truly much much MUCH happier in her life today and has been the past 3 decades, than she would have been if she'd stayed m to my uncle.
For all you know,
your h has saved you decades of future heartache...or worse-
a DUI crash with the kids in the car...
Not making light of it - I mean every word.
The FACTS are all you have and they are enough to know you did what you had to do.
Like I said, you got dealt a bad hand, but you played it as well as you could.
((( )))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
