Epilogue

[Valeska19]

Yes, I'm still with the living...thanks, everyone, for checking in. I'm sorry I haven't been visiting your own situations lately; between the flooding here in southcental PA (I ripped all of my basement carpet out today after getting about 3" of water in there), dealing with my W and life in general, I've been distracted. I'll try to catch up with y'all in the next few days.

No need to apologize man. You have been missed but we are all dealing with our own BS too so it's completely understandable.

I had a revelation today about my M, my W and her EA and my role in all of this. I've been beating myself up pretty hard lately with all of the "what if's", "if only's" and "why didn't I's". It's been lonely in the house and I have been missing my W a lot.

I remember this phase well. It still visits me from time to time. I hit it every time I want to "fix" my marriage. However I still do learn something about myself. Is there anything you learned about you during that time? Anything that only make you more fantastic?

I have been talking to W's oldest son frequently, and he has shed some light on the incredible level of dishonesty and deception she has been building; apparently she has been talking to him about the OM. Despite her claims to me that the OM is "just a friend" she has confided in her son that she is deeply in love with him, always has been since high school, wants to have an intimate relationship with him and feels like they are true "soulmates".

The whole paragraph sukks really bad.. however I think there is some rewriting of history happening here as well as justification to what she is doing - I'm sure you already know that.

And...marrying me was a big mistake. That was a nice shot.

Very nice. Jeezzz. Loved it when my w did that too.! Again though I think this is her rewriting history. I have a hard time believing that our WAS stood in front of God, family, future spouse and said "This is a mistake, but I'm gonna do it anyway!"

It's not all my fault, and it's not about me. It's all about her. It's about her pursuing her wants and desires regardless of what it costs, even if that cost is our marriage and the respect and admiration of her own son and my kids.

Hold onto these words. They are painful but they are real. Remind yourself that it's not all your fault when you have a day that are filled with "why's" and "If Only's"

Your w has created her own "truth" now. One that was probably born from imperfections of the marriage combined with fear, justification, and selfishness.

Unless her perception of the truth changes, I doubt she will either. The only thing you can do is not let her "truth" define who you were or who you will become. You can do everything in your power to show her the best "TM" but at the end of the day, it's up to her to see it.

The question is.. "Do you even care to continue showing that to her?"

Again, I know you know all this. Just thought I would point it out as it's much easier to see in other sitches, than in ours.

Both of our w's are runners and have created their own reality. And your right.. they will make the same mistake in the next relationship.

However you and I (and many people on this board) will not. It sukks that we can't have a relationship with the one we want, but it is refreshing that one day, we will have that healthy relationship.

((( )))