"I guess I’m just righting out of impulse. I don’t know.
1.I remembered the sting I felt when ----- was flirting and texting you after I left. 2. I know you are not completely over me. 3. you are without question my favorite person in the world. You are the only person that I have ever met or known (including my family) that has never done me wrong. Not just your friendship but you as a person mean so much to me and becuz of that and those listed above I would “never” flaunt someone in front of you. The times when I was telling you not to come up were becuz I was in a real sour mood becuz of finances.There were times where old co-workers would come and visit and I would kick them out when I knew or thought you were coming becuz I didn’t want you think something was going on even though there clearly wasn’t. Its seems like no matter how many times I try to protect you in the end I fail and when I do fail you never give me the benefit of the doubt and it hurts that you think that I would blatantly hurt you like that when I know you are in fragile state. Yes, I left you but I never let you go. I don’t know how to. We have over a decade of history, over a decade of inside jokes, crazy stories,trials, triumphs, and memories. We literally “grew up” together. I don’t know how to let all that go. All the important things in my life still revolve around you. The first person I think to tell anything whether important or just silly is ...you. I hit over $368 (Saturday) today and enough to cover what I didn’t make yesterday which means I have to go church on Sunday and got excited til realized I had no one to tell cuz the only one who knew about my lil bet with God was you. Last week I had one of my sleep paralysis episodes woke up screaming your name. I always looked forward to your visits even if it was just to get a cup of coffee and even though I often play around the subject I “do” miss you when you don’t work. There is a huge piece of my heart that still belongs to you. I’m barely holding it together and had to go to the back a few times just to let it out. I understand you have to do whats best for you. I was somewhat prepared for the pain of you to dating others.(as prepared as I could be) and could deal with it because afterall I’m reason for it but a life “without” you is unfathomable. I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS but I’m not your problem. Just know that the door is always open. I’ll always love you. The part of me and my heart that you have is yours to keep, not because I’m giving it to you but simply because it is your. I couldn’t take it back if I wanted to. There is no one who will ever mean more to me than you do."
H also has texted multiple times. I'm trying to keep busy.
Me: 33, H: 32 M: 12 years T: 13 years No kids D-Day: 7/2009 Separated: 10/12/10 Future Unknown GITS
"There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark." - Adele
