We are called to forgive. Forgiveness, for me, has been a process of being raised beyond the hurt and anger that was trapping me. One of my friends has a good description of the word ‘resentment’ as ‘unresolved emotion’, emotion that gets ‘sent’ through you over and over, cycling and festering and growing and continuing to make you feel it. Forgiveness breaks that.
The other type of tolerance has limits. It is an outward or functional jurisdictional tolerance regarding right and wrong. This is where accountability and boundaries come into play. It means that one cannot honestly allow a relationship to continue with the same kind of closeness if there is a total disregard for the mutually agreed upon rules of the relationship and respect.
However, even though there will be compassion it does not mean being a 'doormat'. At times there also must be consequences... a backing away from the relationship in a physical or functional way.
We all have (or should have) boundaries set up for ourselves. They can’t always be “fixed” as certain situations just aren’t black and white. Some are clearer than others. Some can be crossed, others danced on the edge of, and yet different ones are not even approachable.
It’s those gray areas that can really define a situation. No one is perfect, I’m not, and neither are any of the people that I know and love.
I think one of the questions I'm examining is, "When am I being a forgiving person, and when am I making excuses for someone treating me badly and just being a doormat?"
I want to be a nice, kind, loving, forgiving person. Everyone slips up once in a while and if we can’t forgive other people, how can we expect people to forgive us when we screw up?
Only you can answer your boundaries, what you are willing to accept what you are not.
