trying to see the big picture

[25yearsmlc]

Tank,

((( )))

Forgive me b/c I detest being in a position of sort of defending your w, but I need to say something here...

First, you are an inspiration. I completely understand your rage. I'd be far worse than you. And when you hit OM, I nodded with enthusiasm reading it (and almost hoped you might backhand your w too)...


Having said all that, she is actually FINALLY doing/saying what you asked for, abeit awfully late.

And fwiw, I don't think she's faking concern. Let's not mind read so much--better yet, let ME mind read and put another spin on it....

I think she's terrified she's too late, and that she cannot ever come back from where she has been. (Remember she reached out before, and asked about trying to fix what she has done?)

For a parent, from a kid's view, I usually don't believe there's such a thing as too late. W/your kids it's not too late, b/c there is still the desire for their mom.

((**Alone, I know your story and I feel for you & your pain. I had a rageaholic dad and some very painful past memories too.
But at some point we DO have to choose to heal from childhood. We can't make our parents responsible for what we decide or react to, Today.))


Tank, keep it simple. Right or wrong, fair or unfair,

The kids (esp d7) want her in their lives. As of now, she wants to be in their lives.

If she meets the conditions for that, (and you still protect them from possible weirdness from her),

is the remaining issue simply the outrageously unfair aspects to it all?

Do you see how that's coming from a place of anger?

(Understandable but still, it is what it is).

While I get the anger, totally, it doesn't make it better, nor does it right the wrongs, to deny d7 and the others, time with their mom.
It compounds the wrongs done to them.

No one will forget what happened or the heroic efforts you made. Least of all the kids.

Don't you think they're terrified you won't get better and then where will they be?

(I'd bet anything they know you are sick. And the less they know about the statistics, in some ways, the more they'll fear the secret illness-just my .02)

I know YOU have put things in order in case, but they don't know.

Anyhow, I surely won't judge you for any choices you make with this.

For the record, I want to slap your w whether she's stoned or not, though I would prefer if she recalled it clearly...

I admire you. And wish you the best.

((( )))