I'm so sad and don't know what to do anymore

[ayngl]

Thank you for responding to my post. I replied a few days ago and my reply seems to have disappeared!

To answer your questions, my husband and I talk everyday and meet 2-3 times a week. Its like we are dating. The meetings increased 2 months ago thats why I thought we were reconciling. The conversations also improved then. Unfortunately he had already requested for a job transfer 2 months ago. I read Divorce Remedy 2 months ago and have been acting accordingly. I have felt so much happier with myself and the relationship since I read that book and talked to a coach. I wished and prayed that his long distance relationship would not progress and that our hanging out would continue growing. He agrees that we are doing so much better now and wishes things had not gotten so out of hand. He is still afraid to live with me because he thinks the bad things will happen again. I admit I was not very loving to him and I rejected, criticized, belittled and put him down all the time. I just never felt that I loved him enough. But after the seperation, I found out that I loved him alot. Now he says its too little too late. He has noticed positive changes in me and I've tried to tell him to give us a 2nd chance. But it seems he is so in love with OW. He is the type that falls in love easily and commits immediately. I feel I screwed up and should have acted differently in our marriage when I was angry. I'm so desperate right now wanting to hold on to him and praying for a miracle that can happen in 3 weeks so he gives us a chance. Even though we meet and talk all the time, we hug but he never wants sexual intimacy because he wants to avoid falling in love with me again as he says. I have tried to GAL by taking a class but have been unsuccessful because I can't concentrate anymore. It seems I wasted my tuition fee. I have access to his email and I see all the lovey dovey emails they send each other. He is so in love with her. He visits her every weekend but now he is moving in with her. He has not asked for a divorce yet but I guess I will be receiving that from him soon now once he engages her. I met him when he lived in another state and he moved to my state and we dated and got married. Now he is doing the same thing with OW. I wish I knew what to do to turn this around. I have suggested to him that we should now meet more often and do more things before he moves and he has agreed and says he understands that we should make the most of the time we have left. I just want to die. I don't know how I will handle it mentally on the day he lives. This has been the worst year of my life and I have so much REGRET for my actions that have caused this. I know he also acted badly too but I should have controlled my own actions and responses instead of kicking him out of our home in anger. At that time I thought a break away from living with each other would do us good. But he met this woman. At first I thought it is just a fling but it has turned out to be more. He is the type that falls in love easily and falls hard. He did that with me and I did not nurture it.