Yesterday I had a crappy day...I cried and cried and cried and didn't see any way out of my mess. The worst thing is that I cried pathetically in front of him. I found out he's been telling EVERYONE that we're getting divorced. Then I decided to pull myself together, read Michele's book some more. Made notes and gather my strenght.
Since he's not showing any signs of moving, I decided to be proactive and asked around for properties. I found a place that sounds good and is perfect for short or mid term lease till I figure out what is really going on. I just know I cannot be in the same house as him at the moment. I'm also thinking this might jolt him and break the cycle of me being the pursuer and him being the distancer. I woke up today, told him I'm leaving the property by the end of the next week. I was strong, non clingy and non judgemental. Really calm. We talked a bit about what went wrong, what could have been done differently. He asked me where I was leaving and I said that I'm not ready to tell him yet, but I will let him know at some point. He cried. I gathered some of my stuff that was in our joint room and moved it all to the room where I am now.
Then I said that I was going to do some errands and that he's welcome to join me. He asked ih he can come in 10 minutes when the soccer finishes. I said that I'm going immediately and that I won't wait. (in calm, non angry, non agitated voice).
I did my errands, got a spray tan, felt good about myself. I came back, he's still in his room.
Later I'll go to church to do some praying.
More I think about it, the more I'm sure he doesn't have any valid reasons to leave me. I'm attractive, dress well, intelligent, guys like me and I was a loyal, non nagging wife (Ok, maybe a BIT of nagging...lol). We got on well. However, I do have a history of pursuing. Every time he distances, I pursue. I'm trying to change that and hope that it's not too late. I love my husband and want to save this marriage if I can...even if it means doing everything that is counterintuitive (like moving out...for example.)
@Kaffe Diem He also complained that he's bored. As I mentioned before, there have been major financial problems and we're still not out of them completely. Obviously, that meant that we couldn't do so much stuff that we used to do. We used to take 3-4 foreign trips per year and we went from that to ZERO per year. We had to move out of our large apartment in the centre of the city to a smallish place in the oustkirts. There was no money for pampering, clothes, NOTHING.
He's also not in a good place with his career and he's questioning every single choice in his life right now. I already mentioned he's losing his hair too which is a MAJOR concern to him. It's like he wants to relive his glory days of youth. I know he's not 40 yet, but because of hardships and stuff we have been through, his MLC has just shown up early and now he thinks the grass is greener.
I can only DB and GAL and hope his fog lifts. Please God.
