Alone

It's possible for people to wear a "mask" for years and never reveal their true nature .. until something triggers it and there it is. No, I don't think your Ex is a sociopath from your description but I do think he might have another mental condition .. "narcissism" comes to mind. Mental conditions can be hell to live around and if he does indeed have a disorder, then you can count your blessings that he is not your problem anymore.

I don't mean to undermine your long R with your Ex. You obviously loved him or you wouldn't have stayed with him that long. But maybe he hid the part of his personality that he didn't want you to see, because he knew if you saw the "real" man, you would dump him. He gave you hints, even verbal ones, to warn you. So, maybe the pressure of wearing the mask became too much and he threw it off when he met another woman to invite to the masquerade. She's buying all that now but eventually his true colors will surface again.

I was shocked when I saw the Mr. Hyde personality explode out of my XH. Yes, I knew he was bi-polar and it was triggered by alochol but it was shocking nonetheless. The cruelty and lack of compassion were the most shocking. Often, five minutes later, he could revert to the old H and plead true remorse for what he had just said/done. This is apparently BP rapid cycling. He could run the spectrum from one end to the other in minutes.

I couldn't live that way. I don't know how the OW could live that way, either, but I suspect she had a mental condition of her own. They had each other arrested several times over the course of their affair. When H and I were married, he never even got a parking ticket so the change in behavior was extreme.

Now that he has quit drinking, I don't see any signs of Mr. Hyde. But when you're burned as badly as I was (and you), then it's especially hard to forget. I can forgive him because I know he has chemically-induced BP. But I can never forget ..

Hang in there because life does get better. Hugs to you.