I read your posts, and I think that there are a number of things going on here.
One is that your h definitely seems to be having some sort of MLC, and that is nothing to do with you.
But you do seem to have some very understandable co-dependence issues with men - if you can recognise and continue to deal with these you will have a happier and more fulfilled life, regardless of what your h does. Your pattern is getting better though isn't it? This husband has been a much more reliable man to date, and let's face it, we are all here because our partner is having a crisis, so you are no different from anyone else in that respect.
He has his own problems which only he can resolve. You can maybe help or hinder the process some, but the changes need to be for you, and not to get him back.
You sound as if you have survived a most difficult childhood, two abusive marriages that you had the courage to recover from, health issues and now this. You are a survivor, and this is something to be very proud of.
You are not a failure, That is your perspective, but i see someone who has dealt with real problems and is looking at how to move forward in a positive way.
