New Developments

[25yearsmlc]

Took a step waaaayy back. went to pick up daughter from W's grandmother's (as this is where W is living). In the driveway was the OM's car. W said he asked if he could leave the car there as he goes out of town. W did not see him...but I told her that it is a slap in the face to me. She said she is not dating him but remains friends with him and won't be ugly to him. So I let her know that it is disrespectful.

I want to tell her that unless she severs all ties and is willing to give 100% then there is no need for us to try. I would like to say it in a tactful way...but I'm not sure what to say or if I should say anything at all. Any suggestions? I feel let down.

I'm sorry to say but it seems you are prematurely posting here in the "Piecing" forum which is where both parties in the couple move in together to make their m work...

In any event, have you really read the DB books? B/C

What you want to do is essentially give her an utlimatum. That's it.

So go ahead...except for one thing...there's no way you want the answer she's likely to give you if you do.

You're in no position to give anyone an ultimatum unless you are TRULY SURE you are

TRULY READY for her answer to be, "I will NOT do what you want." OR TO LIE...

If you ready for that, then by all means, go ahead.

But be mindful of appearing punitive, or acting out of anger, or like you are 'teaching her a lesson" b/c that is NOT a spouses' job; life teaches lessons...

I think you are letting your anger take over and reacting for you. Don't.

Back way off and let her feel the distance instead.

If she had an A with this guy but isn't now, what the heck is the status and what is she ready to do to prove to you that she's ready to piece your m back together? Do you know?

BTW-be warned,

I have not read all of your thread so I don't know what she has said to you in the past.

But I do know what an ultimatum looks like...and that's what you THINK you want to give her, but I don't think you really want the results.