Epilogue

[Telemark]

Yes, I'm still with the living...thanks, everyone, for checking in. I'm sorry I haven't been visiting your own situations lately; between the flooding here in southcental PA (I ripped all of my basement carpet out today after getting about 3" of water in there), dealing with my W and life in general, I've been distracted. I'll try to catch up with y'all in the next few days.

I had a revelation today about my M, my W and her EA and my role in all of this. I've been beating myself up pretty hard lately with all of the "what if's", "if only's" and "why didn't I's". It's been lonely in the house and I have been missing my W a lot.

The OM's mother arrives tomorrow. Still no definite date when the OM arrives. I have been talking to W's oldest son frequently, and he has shed some light on the incredible level of dishonesty and deception she has been building; apparently she has been talking to him about the OM. Despite her claims to me that the OM is "just a friend" she has confided in her son that she is deeply in love with him, always has been since high school, wants to have an intimate relationship with him and feels like they are true "soulmates".

And...marrying me was a big mistake. That was a nice shot.

Nothing I didn't already suspect, but to hear it verbalized to her son (who is thoroughly disgusted with her) makes it painfully real. But what it really means to me is:

It's not all my fault, and it's not about me. It's all about her.

It's about her pursuing her wants and desires regardless of what it costs, even if that cost is our marriage and the respect and admiration of her own son and my kids.

There was nothing in our marriage that could not have been healed with honesty and open communication. But it was easier for her to run away than face the work that had to be done. It will be only a matter of time until her new love life sours, too, and the cycle will repeat itself.

Perhaps I will now be able to look forward more than I look back. I am sad that she was able to cut me out of her life so effortlessly, but I have been blessed with a growing relationship with God, great kids and great friends; that sustains me.