I know it may be premature, but since you like Passionate Marriage, I'd recommend dropping $10 and downloading the 2 hour talk Schnarch gave on Extramarital Affairs. It is intended for MFT and Sex Therapists, but as I found it extremely accessible.
Listening to it really helped me to deal with a lot of things in how I individually processed my WAW's affair.
Particularly questions like "How could they do this to me?" and issues such as trust.
In a lot of ways, your H's affair sounds like my WAW only he seems to have a lot more insight about his behaviors.
His recognition of a desire to hurt you is kind of impressive, in the context of his being an immature putz. Most people would not admit to this kind of marital sadism or have the insight to recognize it. As hurtful as his behavior has been, the fact that he seems to be recognizing his motivations gives me some hope that he may indeed be in the process of growing up in a way that you would need him to in order for you to remain M.
You're in a hell of a place, but you also have the opportunity to shape a path forward with a lot of perspective and insight that most people probably don't possess.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
