I Tap Out 2

[a girl]

Sweetie! If you were thinner, he'd want you blonder. If you were blonder, he'd want you to pay more attention to him. If you paid more attention to him, he'd want you to be a better cook.

He is looking to you to fix *him*. And that won't happen. He, internally, has issues and problems that he is expressing as dissatisfaction with you - but it's not. He's not leaving you, he's trying to leave himself - and that just won't work.

[LearningPatience]

TG,
I might be thinking of someone else or just getting things mixed up, but if I remember correctly, you are near the same weight as when you and H got together. Maybe a little heavier. In any case, you are acceptable as YOU, whatever your body might be. One other thing, when our partners are unfaithful, it doesn't matter the reason, as THEY made the choice to cheat. None of this 'they can't be faithful', that's BS! Their choice...

I know as a guy I might not understand the whole body dynamic that women go through, but it still pisses me off as it is so unrealistic. My W is 5'1" and 120-125 pounds. Personally, I think she has a great body (not perfect, but I like it), but she would go on how big she is and had low self esteem because of that. That was one of the things that bothered me most was her incessant complaining about how big she thought she was. Please.

One of the sexiest people I've known was a bit on the heavy side. However, she just oozed charm and sexiness and if the opportunity ever came up to be with her, well...

I still want to kick your H, but I also hope that you realize just how awesome you are just as yourself! Do NOT give him the power to make you feel bad about yourself or take the blame for his poor choices.

((TG))

[LearningPatience]

heh, goes to show I spend too much time typing and proofreading... everything gabby and une fille says...

[LearningPatience]

That's exactly it gabby. When you know you've got it, guys know too.

[~¤DG¤~]

TG- add me to the list of people who want to kick your H in the junk.

Seriously, whatever your issue with your weight is, that is no excuse for your H to say he can't be faithful. It's like saying he can't be faithful to someone who has brown eyes.

I have also struggled with my weight for most of my adult life. I was morbidly obese until I had RNY in 2009. For me, the weight was a symptom of a bigger problem, which is why I am currently in counseling.

I could sit here and tell you what an A hold your H is being and how you are so much better off without him, but I know you love him and me saying all of that probably won't make you feel better.

I have seen pics of you and you are beautiful. Just remember that.
If you want to make a change in your life, do it for YOU and only you.

[thatgirl007]

H sent the following email:

"I guess I’m just righting out of impulse. I don’t know.
 
1.I remembered the sting I felt when ----- was flirting and texting you after I left.
2. I know you are not completely over me.
3. you are without question my favorite person in the world. You are the only person that I have ever met or known (including my family) that has never done me wrong.
Not just your friendship but you as a person mean so much to me and becuz of that and those listed above I would “never” flaunt someone in front of you.
The times when I was telling you not to come up were becuz I was in a real sour mood becuz of finances.There were times where old co-workers would come and visit and I would kick them out when I knew or thought you were coming becuz I didn’t want you think something was going on even though there clearly wasn’t. Its seems like no matter how many times I try to protect you in the end I fail and when I do fail you never give me the benefit of the doubt and it hurts that you think that I would blatantly hurt you like that when I know you are in fragile state.
Yes, I left you but I never let you go. I don’t know how to. We have over a decade of history, over a decade of inside jokes, crazy stories,trials, triumphs, and memories. We literally “grew up” together. I don’t know how to let all that go. All the important things in my life still revolve around you. The first person I think to tell anything whether important or just silly is ...you. I hit over $368 (Saturday) today and enough to cover what I didn’t make yesterday which means I have to go church on Sunday and got excited til realized I had no one to tell cuz the only one who knew about my lil bet with God was you. Last week I had one of my sleep paralysis episodes woke up screaming your name.
I always  looked forward to your visits even if it was just to get a cup of coffee and even though I often play around the subject I “do” miss you when you don’t work.
There is a huge piece of my heart that still belongs to you.
I’m barely holding it together and had to go to the back a few times just to let it out. I understand you have to do whats best for you. I was somewhat prepared for the pain of you to dating others.(as prepared as I could be) and could deal with it because afterall I’m reason for it but a life “without” you is unfathomable. I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS but I’m not your problem.
Just know that the door is always open. I’ll always love you. The part of me and my heart that you have is yours to keep, not because I’m giving it to you but simply because it is your. I couldn’t take it back if I wanted to. There is no one who will ever mean more to me than you do."

H also has texted multiple times. I'm trying to keep busy.

[thatgirl007]

Wanted to update my sitch since I haven't in a awhile.

I had a trying week or so. It was full of drama, probably the most drama-filled of all since H left. There were arguments, threats (by H - not against me, but against some perceived future OM), anger and lots of tears. But, in the long run, none of it meant much. H was simply panicking at the thought of actually losing my love - a love that he has grown to believe will always be there for him despite his actions.

Seeing him with OW#4 and listening to his response to everything was a line for me . It turned the tide for me from underneath it all wanting to save the M, to feeling as if I do not want to save the M. I've been sitting with that feeling for awhile, trying to process it and figure out if it is real.

I still see H every, single day. And we are nice, still talk, and laugh. H is still texting multiple times a day. I think that he might be operating under the false assumption that things are back to status quo. He even mentioned coming over one night. I just glossed over the suggestion and moved the topic along, it wasn't even an internal fight. I honestly don't want him in my place, it doesn't feel right anymore.

I do still love him but not more than I love myself. Despite all of the good times, our history and the vows we made to each other, H is not good for me - and I do not love myself as much when I am with him, because he doesn't love me the way that a wife should really be loved. It is sad, because I really do think that he loves me with all of his heart, but I believe that his selfishness and narcissism cloud even the strongest of loves for him.

And so...I think in a sense I am now a WAW. Because if H wanted to come back today, I would say no. I do not believe in his ability to love me the way that I deserve and I do not believe in his ability to maintain a healthy M.

So, that's where I am.

[JustStunned]

TG, I am in route step beside you. There has been a fair amount of peace with this portion of the march. From my POV there have been a few ups and downs, but over all the rollercoaster has dampened out.

I have experienced some flack from the other camp, and I expect you will also in the days to come as your H realizes the truth of his actions and your decision.

Stay strong, stay safe, maintain your honor.

[Telemark]

"I do still love him but not more than I love myself. Despite all of the good times, our history and the vows we made to each other, H is not good for me - and I do not love myself as much when I am with him, because he doesn't love me the way that a wife should really be loved. It is sad, because I really do think that he loves me with all of his heart, but I believe that his selfishness and narcissism cloud even the strongest of loves for him.

And so...I think in a sense I am now a WAW. Because if H wanted to come back today, I would say no. I do not believe in his ability to love me the way that I deserve and I do not believe in his ability to maintain a healthy M."


This spoke to me, tg007. It is exactly how I feel about my W. Thanks for saying it so honestly and eloquently.

BTW - real women have curves.

[~¤DG¤~]

TG-

Your posts always make me feel better. I am in awe of your strength and determination.
You will be just fine...and some day, when your ready, you are going to make a lucky man very very happy.