Today, I went to court and finally got us separated. I had to wait for three hours to wait for everyone else to get their stuff taken care of, but my case took literally less than three minutes for the judge to sign off. Two things I noticed while in the courtroom:
1. I'm thankful that despite whatever my W and I are going through, neither of us have allowed ourselves to devolve into that vicious state where everything we share is a hurtful defense or attack on the other. We are almost always polite to each other at the very least. I saw a couple who exemplified the "messy D" sitch, and I want never to go there, no matter how bad I'm hurting from her actions.
2. Some people are really immature when it comes to a D. I understand if your S wants a D and you don't, but you don't score points by opposing the D in the courtroom (when it should have all been ironed out beforehand) or clowning around with the judge. It only seems to reinforce a S' desire to leave.
When the judge pronounced us separated, I felt almost nothing, though I felt sadness and anger in the hours waiting on the benches for my turn. I was at least relieved that this is no longer something that I'll have to deal with anymore -- trying to line it up with my work schedule has been a huge pain, especially since they only hold dissolution cases on Friday. I also felt strangely glad that now whatever I do to GAL or lovingly detach has that extra oomph. Next time she comes calling to cry to me about what a moron OM is or trying to see how my life is going, I can say, "W, we're separated now. You can't come to me about this stuff anymore. You're on your road now, and I'm on mine."
I texted my W with this info. Was very sparse and emotionless with this declaration. She texted back, "Thank you. Sorry that you've had to handle all of this but I think it's for the best." Not sure what she meant: the S itself or her plans to walk away from me entirely in the future. I felt tempted to text her back with questions or at least a response, but felt this to be of no benefit to either one of us. Was proud of that, even though it was something small. I'm doing a really good job at backing off, IMO. The clear and assertive boundary-drawing conversation is my next goal in communication, as I know that it will come around the corner sooner or later. My last convo of this sort sounded too weak and wimpy in my opinion. Sounded more distressed and depressed than assertive.
At some point, I will move things over to the "Separated -- What Now?" side of the forum, but I still consider myself a newbie. Once things settle, I might jump over there for a while.
