Many people do not celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, etc., on the actual date. Sometimes the celebration comes later. Just try to think of it that way. You have to do something nice for you today. Keep busy until today is over.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Journaling.....it's 12:13 am on September 8th. I made it through our anniversary. That was a nightmare. Tried to stay busy, but my heart was heavy throughout the day. I have one more tough day to go through this week...Friday is my birthday...not sure what to expect, if anything.
I felt like things were starting to go well. She came by Tuesday to drop off some clothes for the kids. I noticed she was wearing a ring on her wedding finger again. She caught me staring at her with a smile on my face. She looked at me and said, "what?" I simply smiled and said "nothing" and she gave me a smile that I haven't seen in awhile. My daughter told me (with no coercion from me) that my W told her that she was not going to be playing with the OW's child for a long time. I don't know what happened, but one of them is mad at the other. Who knows?
I dropped off some clothes and stuff for the kids tonight. With it being our anniversary, I snuck up to her door and put the kid's stuff in front of it then left. She apparently found it because I got a "Ty" text from her later. I also had to email her about the gas bill because it's in her name...it's getting cold and I want to make sure I have gas in my name. She told me to keep it in her name for now because I'll have to pay a deposit. I told her to go ahead and cancel it, I will just pay the deposit.
Sandi....I used your guidelines for writing the apology letter. She doesn't check email often so I put it on her door at her place. You're right, she never responded. In a previous post you said that what my W once craved from me is now a turn off. You're right, I don't understand this. What does she want? Nothing? For me to leave her alone? I don't get it. I feel like I'm fighting an invisible opponent...I have no idea how to approach it. Any insight would be helpful. Try not to get too frustrated with me...I'm a male...sometimes, we just don't get it...or think.
Oh yeah, and thanks for the encouraging words earlier today.
I'm not sure if this is too extreme, but I changed my phone number today and I'm not giving it to her. If she needs me bad enough she can email me...we both have iPhones and I have mine with me 24/7.
I just can't deal with her giving small clues that she interested then totally ignoring me. I cannot move on if we are still going to have contact. I feel like my goals have shifted from doing things for me to doing things for us. It's draining.
She left me. If she doesn't want me in her world then she needs to leave me alone. I feel bad doing this, but I have to for my sake.
That is too extreme. Are you even keeping in touch with your kids? All you're doing is isolating yourself from them. Man up and stop being so afraid. Easier said than done, but you gotta take the first step.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
That is too extreme. Are you even keeping in touch with your kids? All you're doing is isolating yourself from them. Man up and stop being so afraid. Easier said than done, but you gotta take the first step.
I'm in full contact with my kids. They have my number. I'm isolating from her.
Man up? What? Don't ever question my abilities as a father.
Afraid? No, not afraid...just trying to move on without her coming in and out of my life whenever she feels like it.
If you're going to be an ass then don't respond to my posts.
Your D's are 2 and 7 and you expect them to call you? That's shirking responsibility. It's your responsibility to contact them, not the other way around.
Did I question your abilities as a dad? Of course not. By "manning up" I meant for you to stop being afraid of your W and just concentrate on being the dad your D's deserve. I've got two young D's of my own, so I know exactly what you're going through.
"just trying to move on without her coming in and out of my life whenever she feels like it."
From what I've read, she doesn't "come in and out" when she feels like it. You two have kids so whether you like it or not, she will always be a part of your life. You need to start getting friendly with her so that you can at the very least co-parent your kids.
Changing your phone number is like throwing a tantrum. If you don't want her to listen to your messages, then don't. But what if there was an emergency with your kids. Are you going to wait to get an email?
"If you're going to be an ass then don't respond to my posts."
Being an @$$? I don't think so. If you want to be the dad that your D's would look up to, it includes being civil with your W. It [censored], but your kids deserve to have a dad like that. Their mom may make crappy choices, but that doesn't mean you need to have your actions influenced by hers.
You've only been here a little over a month so everything is still raw. You're hurt, angry, scared, etc. I get it. Been there done that.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
