OW called our house

[Endeavour]

I hope they can talk to someone. Doesn't have to be a big shrink-think medical deal but someone safe...btw, my oldest d was 16 when H left the house and their r is on the mend. But,

it took some huge hits...don't know how else to put it. Repairable? Well, yes. But will she think of him as uber available caring dad when she's older and looks back on this? Probably not.

25, I do remember your posts on how your H's relationship with his D was damaged by your sitch, and I did not want that happen to my D, regardless if H and I remained married. Thanks to this ow's crazy behaviour (after she was dumped) and my H's selfishness, it's exactly what has happened.

Our D has not left her room in two days. She will not look at H or speak to him right now and he's giving her space. He knows it will take time and he is certainly saying all the right things right now. He said he was an angry, selfish little boy with no integrity who let his unhappiness affect his judgement. He said that is not the legacy he wants to live and leave for his children, and that he will do everything in his power to repair their relationships. He said he wants to live the rest of his life with integrity and never ever let anger and hurt dictate his actions again.

We both agree that we need to look into counseling for D and perhaps S7. S7 is doting on me and H (constantly asking us if we need anything -- water, food, a hug, a cuddle, etc.) and we think the poor little guy is desperately trying to "fix" his family. It breaks my heart. We've assured S7 that his daddy is not going anywhere right now. H also told him that he did a bad bad thing and that you never treat your W like that and that he was so very wrong and that he will never do anything like that again. We told him we both love him and that no matter what happens, we will both be there for him. S slept with me last night because he said he doesn't want me to be alone so we are aware that he is hurting but because of his age, he will be more forgiving of H.

I told D16 that I am not making any decisions right now and that she does not have to talk to H until she is ready. She asked about the ow and I said she is gone for good (according to H). D is adamant that she will never accept this woman or meet her so she better be gone. I'm certain that if H ever took up with this woman again, he would lose his D's respect for many years.

I wish for your daughter what I wish for mine...

That she knows he was a hardworking man who would kill or die for his kids, but got lost awhile, and deeply wounded her. Then he found himself and his way back to her.

Even though, H did a terrible thing, I do think he is indeed extremely remorseful and racked with horrible guilt, and that he will do everything in his power to gain his children's trust and respect again.

This past Father's Day my d22 (then 16) wrote that she was ready to let him "back into her heart"...made me and h both cry.

That brought a tear to my eye too. (I'm a bit emotional over everything right now.)

My h takes my d out to dinner one on one monthly, and they speak more often I think, than We do. (He calls a lot). He's trying. I don't know what he tells her about the whole ordeal although I assume it's a generic "big mistake"...(and that may be all my d wants to hear frankly.)

But their age makes this a formative time and experience.

He will have to teach her that not all men cheat.

Unfortunately, this happened to D's best friend's family as well. D has been very angry on her friend's behalf, and very disgusted by her friend's father. Her friend has gone through so much since the breakdown of her family and my D has felt so badly for her. We spoke about it recently and I told her not all men cheat and that I believed her father would never do anything so horrible. To think he was doing that very thing while we were having that conversation turns my stomach.

I know it has been on D's mind because on the night of the big reveal, she told me she didn't think this would ever happen to our family and that she never thought in a million years that her own father was a sleazebag. She also kept repeating that she couldn't believe this was all happening. I think it's going to be a very long road ahead to rebuilding for her and H.

He'll have to show her what redemption is.

You can show her what forgiveness means.

Yes, I know I have to forgive him for me, and for my kids, even if I chose to leave our M.

That could be a great legacy for your family and future generations...or not.

Most of this will be up to you, but it is a process that takes time.

Nothing has to be decided today.

I not making any permanent decisions right now because if I made a choice based on anger and pain, I would be no smarter than H and ow.

Oh re: OW, I think she sounds desparately unhappy and odd. Hate to say it but I nearly feel sorry for her. How miserable must a married woman be in her own life, to think it's alright to call the Wife of the man she had an affair with?

Like you two would join in the "Hate the h" club?

gee, how fun....

Yes, I know. Clearly, ow is a damaged person. I can't even begin to fathom what she hopes to accomplish by speaking to me, except perhaps she doesn't believe that H has told me, and she wants to make sure she blows up his M.