Journal: seem to be up and down about this. Mostly up, but the familiar up and down has returned. Not as sharp of ups and downs, but here just the same. Long rolling ups and downs is a better way to put it. And not too much down. Most of me sees this as very good.
Yesterday, my son left his stuff at the house and as we were leaving for school he asks if he can stop by his mom's to drop it off. I had to say no because I had to be at work early. I told him his mother could take him to the house or his sister could. He didn't want to because his mother gives him grief for it. I told him I would make sure that he got his bag even if later at night.
Yesterday at work was not fun. RIF's. I'm a manager "just" in time apparently :>) I knew it was coming and had to be at work early for that.
Anyway, I did get angry at the way she treats him. I see her as shifting the anger at me towards him in as if she is punishing him for staying with me. Similar to what I saw her do to my daughter.
When I dropped off the bag last night, the boyfriend's car was there. The one she left for.
Let's face it, I am a bit angry but still have mixed emotions. I'm not unhappy she's gone. I'm not worried that it's somebody else she left for. I'm angry that she treats the kids this way, but I've come to expect it so no longer disappointed. I'm not upset at how she treats me any longer - I expect that as well. I've come to realize and accept that it is not me she is angry with. It is not me she left. It was not my choice and it was really very little to do with me. I get that.
But there is a bit of anger still in there. Not sure exactly where that completely comes from, but notice it is getting in my way of contentment.
I find myself clearing the decks and going from generally very happy to sometimes a little angry. Mostly happy and more or less content.
I hate what she is and has been doing to the kids though. That she could be this type of person, is sad.
Looking at my autosig, it's been almost 2 years since I agreed to not fight her about getting a divorce. Wow. Time flies...
Anyhow, just writing this helps. I feel much better getting that off my chest.
I do honestly wish her the best. I wish her peace and happiness. And I wish she would leave me alone
Later,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
but still have mixed emotions. I'm not unhappy she's gone. I'm not worried that it's somebody else she left for. I'm angry that she treats the kids this way, but I've come to expect it so no longer disappointed. I'm not upset at how she treats me any longer - I expect that as well. I've come to realize and accept that it is not me she is angry with. It is not me she left. It was not my choice and it was really very little to do with me. I get that. 
